Monday, February 28, 2011

83rd Annual Academy Awards

The Father of Cinema Louis Lumière said "The cinema is an invention without a future".


Louis Lumière forgot that Cinema was The Future of Entertainment. It has been 116 years since Lumière brothers made their first motion picture and The Magic of Cinema continues to enthrall more and more as the days go by.

The Academy Awards, also known as the Oscars, was first held on May 16, 1929 at Hotel Roosevelt in Hollywood. The Academy Award is an accolade bestowed by the American Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences to recognize excellence of professionals in the film industry, including directors, actors, and writers. Quality takes the upper hand over Quantity here. Academy Awards stay true to their words and recognize the best unlike the awards in India. India holds the record for making the highest number of films in the world every year and yet fails to recognize the best.

Like every year, I was up by 6 am to watch the beauties in their designer clothing sway on the Red Carpet at the Kodak Theater. The first half hour was a thorough disappointment this year with Rajeev Masand trying to analyse the movies on the Red Carpet. Abhishek Bachchan and Ashutosh Gowariker’s interview during Oscars was so out of place. Who wants to analyze a movie or ask every celebrity the same question of what should a first timer do at the Oscars? You are in the midst of the beauties of this world you moron, just blend in and enjoy. Don’t you know Scarlett Johansson, Nicole Kidman, Mila Kunis, Warren Beatty, Natalie Portman, Reese Witherspoone, Sandra Bullock that you never bothered to interview them? The bimbos from Zoom tv would have done a better job on the Red Carpet. Rajeev, I rate you a ½ star (½ for interviewing Ash) for spoiling my Oscar time.
After witnessing some great hosts like Steve Martin, Billy Crystal, Whoopie goldberg and Alec Baldwin, James Franco and Anne Hathaway were not upto the mark hosting the 83rd Annual Academy Awards, though I should say, Anne looked stunning each time she came on the stage in a different costume. The beginning was awesome with a video of James and Anne appearing in all the 10 nominated movies. And post that it was downhill. And to salvage the not so great hosting, they had to get the funny and classy Bob Hope (visually created), who holds the record for hosting Oscars 18 times, and Billy Crystal. - King’s speech took the Top Honours with Best Picture, Best Director (Tom Hooper), Best Actor (Colin Firth) and Best Screenwriter (David Seidler) of their 12 nominations.
- Sci-fi thriller Inception shone with Awards for Sound mixing, Sound editing, Visual effects and Cinematography.(Well in Indian movie industry, they have no idea what these mean)
- Svelte Natalie Portman was adjudged as Best Actress in Black Swan
- The Social Network won three awards for Best film editing, Best music (original score) (Rahman needs to try different tunes to stay in the race next year) and Best writing (adapted screenplay).
- Christian Bale and Mellisa Leo won the Best Supporting actor and Actress for their role in The Fighter.
Baba Ranchchoddas words came true at the Oscars, “Kaamyaabi ki peeche mat bhaago, Excellence ke peeche bhaago, success jhak maar kar apne aap peeche bhaagegi,”

It was pure joy to watch excellence being rewarded with success. And the three hours of shimmer and shine, glitz and glamour has made my day. See you next year at the Oscars.

Think About It: Most Bollywood movies would be nominated for Best Adapted Screenplay for lifting stories from Hollywood

Monday, February 14, 2011

56th FilmfarCe Awards

All that shines is Gold and all that is glossy is fine cinema. -Jury members of Filmfare awards

Highlights of the 56th Filmfare Awards:

  • Piggy Chops showed off her amazing curves dancing to the songs of the only diva of Indian movie industry- Madhuri Dixit.
  • The frame was perfect and almost all my dreams came true when 3 of my dream girls- Desi Girl, Dhak Dhak Girl and 50 kg Tajmahal were in the same frame.
  • Kareena was scorching hot and it will be a treat to everyman's eyes by next year as her clothes gets reduced to Size Zero with her body growing to Size 4.
  • Katrina was seen laughing at many Hindi jokes which obviously she never understood.
  • Sonakshi was asked to promise that she will not expose till the script demands. I am wondering which script in Bollywood has not demanded actresses to expose?
  • Farah Khan did the Munni dance when Sheila won the award for Best Choreography. Very evident that she was trying to keep Arbaaz happy, coz she needs to choreograph for Dabanng-2 too.
  • And then it was ceremoniously and unanimously decided to rename Filmfare Awards as Film FarCe awards from next year after the jury members decided to give away the main awards to the following:
  • Best Director: Karan Johar…..My name is Karan and direction is not my cup of tea…sorry not my cup of Koffee.
  • Best Actor: Shahrukh Khan…..My name is Kh kha kha kha Khan (from the epiglottis) and I am a bakra in disguise.
  • Best Actor: Kajol…..Were the jury sleeping when Ishqiya was released?
  • Best Movie: Dabangg…..Chulbul Pandey ne Jury members mey itne ched kardiye ke woh conphuzz ho gaye ki soche kahaan se aur paade kahaan se.
  • Best Scene: Golmaal 3 (mirchi scene)…..Mirchi and cactus needs to be shoved all the way up of Jury members arse.
  • Best Special Effects: (NOT GIVEN)…..Was ROBOT released in 2011 for not getting the award?
  • Best Action: Vijayan Master (Dabangg)…..Jury members haven’t heard of a movie called “Transporter 1” from where all the action sequences for Dabangg were lifted.
  • And in the end jury members decided to save their face, which incidentally looks like their arse, and gave few of the awards to the truly deserving.
  • UDAAN:
    o Best Supporting Actor (Male) Ronit Roy
    o Best Film (Critics): Vikramaditya Motwane and Sanjay Singh
    o Best Screenplay: Anurag Kashyap and Vikramaditya Motwane
    o Best Story: Anurag Kashyap and Vikramaditya Motwane
    o Best Background Music: Amit Trivedi
    o Best Cinematography: Mahendra Shetty
    o Best Sound Design: Kunal Sharma

  • ISHQIYA:
    o Best Male Playback Singer: Rahat Fateh Ali Khan - "Dil Toh Bachcha Hai Ji"
    o Best Lyricist: Gulzar- "Dil Toh Bachcha Hai Ji"
    o Critics Award for Best Performance: Vidya Balan


  • LSD:
    o Best Editing : Namrata Rao
    o Best Sound Design: Pritam Das
    o RD Burman Award: Sneha Khanwalkar


The Filmfare Awards are presented annually to supposedly honour both artistic and technical excellence of professionals in the Hindi language film industry of India. But in reality Filmfare is all about REVEALING the Abundant Talent overflowing from the undersized clothes of the leading ladies in Hindi Movie industry. I watch this show diligently every year hoping Filmfare never realizes their mistake and continue to showcase this abundant talent available in our country. I would rather write more about glamour and less about the awards at Filmfare which is getting renamed as FILM FARCE awards from next year.

It has been 57 years since Filmfare awards were initiated and Bollywood is yet to learn that movies with the best storyline and great acting deserve awards and not just the box office results. Filmfare in South are way ahead in rewarding the best than their counterparts in north. Check Kanchivaram (Tamil), Pazhassi Raja (Malayalam), Eddelu Manjunatha (Kannada).

With just few weeks away from Oscars, forget the Khans and their Khandaans, enjoy pure creativity and the art of story telling and display of some of the best acting skills on the silver screen by Colin Firth, James Franco, Danny Boyle, Javier Bardem, Natalie Portman, Christopher Nolan, David Fincher, Lee Unkrich.

Preparation for next year's Oscars: With Aamir Khan's Peepli [Live] not getting recognized in India or at the Oscars, it was decided to send Salman Khan's Dabangg-2 next year for the Oscars. Abhinav Kashyap wrote the story for Dabangg-2 within 60 seconds of the announcement (25 seconds faster than Dabanng-1). Karan and Shahrukh (who realised his name was Khan last year) announced to do My Name Is Khan-2(too) to give competition to Dabangg-2. And Sajid Khan was heard shouting "Kisika baap mera Housefull-2 ko Oscar jaane se nahin rokh sakta" as V V Chopra tried to calm everyone down by shouting "Shut Up" ,"Shut Up" ,"Shut Up".