Dabangg 2 - Stupidity revisited

Everyone is stupid sometimes, some raise it to an art form.

Stupidity out Stupidity in or should I say Abhinav Kashyap out Arbaaz Khan in (AK out AK in)

Salman Khan uruf Chulbul Pandey uruf Robinhood Pandey uruf Kungfu Pandey is back. He and Sonakshi Sinha uruf Rajjo have moved to Kanpur to achieve "bigger things" in life. His step father (Vinod Khanna uruf Pandeyji) and step brother (Arbaaz Khan uruf Makhee Pandey) move in with him. Baddie of Kanpur (Prakash Rai uruf Baccha Thakur) and his brothers, Deepak Dobriyal uruf Genda Thakur and Nikitan Dheer uruf Chunni Thakur threaten Chulbul Pandey's family. Kungfu Pandey in his inimitable style kills all the baddies.

Now that’s a very stupid story by Dilip Shukla again. But I did enjoy the stupidity of the movie. Arbaaz doesnot put any effort to make the movie any better than the earlier one. Its a dejavu all over again with the action sequences. But mind you, you are in for a treat with Malaika and Kareena's pelvic thrusts (this part is worth your money and time). You will not be able to take your eyes off them when they swing to the words“Zandu Balm and Fevicol”. I would love them to be my Zandu Balm and Fevicol anyday. 

And just when I thought Sallu never went topless during the movie, the all knowing and the mind reading Shirt appears on the screen. The shirt has mastered the art of getting off Sallu Bhai's body at the right time. 

The madness and stupidity of Dabangg worked because of cheesy dialogues like “Chedi Singh hum tum me itne ched karunga ki tu conphuzz ho jaoge ki saas kaha se le aur pade kaha se”. (Check the http://chikku-moviebuff.blogspot.in/2010/09/dabangg-abhi-tak-sab-to-nilaya-hai-ab.html here). I missed those cheesy dialogues in the sequel. 

The nonsense ends with Chedi singh's brother's introduction making way for Dabangg 3. 

Zandu balm - Sold, Fevicol - Sold. I can't wait for another Indian product to be marketed by these sexy sirens.

The movie offers nothing new, but is sure to provide entertainment. Leave your brains at home, you wont need them for this movie. 

After the movie you will have the same look as Sonakshi and Malaika while Sallu bhai has a blast.

I am back

The Yuppie Nuremberg defense forced me for the past many weeks to say, " I haven't blogged. I was busy paying for my mortgage."

Then came Skyfall -

007 : Everybody needs a hobby

Silva : What's yours?

007 : Resurrection

Dammit so is mine. 

Skyfall - no gadgets, no fun

Gangs of Wasseypur - I am a hunter she want to see my gun, When I pull it out boy the woman start to run

The Expendables - Stallone, Schwarzenegger, Bruce Willis, Jason Statham gang up against Van Damme

Aiyya - What a shame

The Dark Knight rises

Eega (Makkhi) surprises

Argo thrills

Talaash grips

English Vinglish clicks

Michael Jordan plays ball, Charles Manson kills people, I review movies.

Watch this space for The Real Movie Reviews.

The Avengers - Kick Ass movie

Captain America: Stark, We need a plan of attack!
Tony Stark: I have a plan: Attack!

The Avengers. It's what they call themselves. Sorta like a team. Earth's Mightiest Heroes type thing. Let's do a head count here. Thor, the demigod. Captian America ,a super soldier, living legend who kinda lives up to the legend. Hulk, a man with breathtaking anger management issues. Black Widow, the super hot chic and SHIELD Agent , Master Assasin Hawk Eye. And finally the genius,billionaire, playboy and philanthropist called Iron Man.

Then we have Loki, Thor's brother, the evil mastermind who manages to piss every single of the Super Heroes.

There's a lot of things we need to be grateful to America. The Avengers definitely tops the list. With groundwork on introduction of the Superheroes already done in Marvel's earlier movies, Joss Wheldon takes movie watching to a different level. You would eagerly be waiting for your Superheroes to enter the scene.


A kick ass movie with a very basic plot. And its exactly what it needs to be. This movie is about how the team comes together to save Earth and kick the shit out of Loki and his alien army. 

The cynical Stark's (Robert Downey Jr)best lines alongwith Captain America's (Steve Rogers) idealism alongwith Thor (Chris Hemworth) lighting up the sky will blow your mind. But the most fascinating part was to watch the svelte and curvy figure of Black Widow (Scarlett Johannsen) in some of the best fight scenes in 3D. But the best "Yeah" moment is delivered by Hulk (Mark Ruffalo). And to watch Robin Scherbatsky(Cobie Smulders) as a SHIELD agent in body hugging clothing in 3D, believe you me its worth your money.

If you are the kind who enjoys the great pleasures of life delivered by movies, Avengers is definitely for you. Laughter, excitement, desire, awe and entertainment....all in one.


Suit up and watch the half dozen Superheroes kick ass.

Vicky Donor - The Creative Sperm

Remember that all men are millionaires at least by their sperm count, the funniest thing is even these millions are spent for a girl.

I have wasted many millions. I could have created a China by now. How many millions have you wasted?

Vicky Donor stands apart from the nonsensical Bollywood movies. A great feat achieved by Shoojit Sircar with pure creativity and being sensitive to the issue discussed.

A bold step taken by Ayushman to debut in a movie which is backed only by the strengths of the story. he does more than justice to his role as Vicky Arora the sperm donor. Ever dependable Annu kapoor as the Doctor running Infertile clinic delivers some of the best lines and has a great sense of comic timing. Vicky's love interest is the bong Banker Ashima (Yami Gautam....believe you me she should be called Yummy Gautam).

Shoojit deals the subject with great care and throws in a right amount of comedy to keep you glued to the seats. Vicky's grandmother has some of the best lines delivered which will make you ROFL. The punjabi and bengali family meet to discuss Vicky and Ashima's marriage is one of the best scenes among many.

Music is catchy. Fast Punjabi music and the slow romantic track mix well with the storyline.

 

John Abraham maybe the worst actor sperm Bollywood has got, but has produced one of the best movies in the history of Bollywood. maybe he should reconsider his role in Bollywood.

Go ahead and have a blast at the movies.

And to all wasting your millions, go to the clinic, watch free porn...and then....udhar shoot karne ka and store karne ka

Housefull - 2

"I dont need a script. I know what the audience wants."
                                                                        - Sajid Khan
I used to adore Sajid Khan as a host of Ikke pe Ikka on Zee where he used to ridicule every other director in Bollywood who had been copying shamelessly from Hollywood and South Indian movies. (Mind you both Farah and Sajid were yet to debut as directors then)

Ikke pe Ikka as a show has closed and come 2007, he shamelessly copies from Three men and a baby and calls it Heyy Babyy. 2010, he continues to be shameless and copies Kadhala Kadhala and calls it Housefull.

2012, Sajid Khan has completed his course in Shamelessness with distinction. Banda Paramashivam is now called Housefull 2 by Nadiadwala and Sajid Khan.

2 step brothers and their wives, four childhood friends and their four girlfriends, Jagga Daaku alias JD, a marriage broker, an ex- police inspector and Anarkali, all in one palatial house in London and force-fed comedy in every scene.
No matter how silly the jokes are, laugher is guaranteed by Akshay and Johnny Lever with some great comic timing. Akshay's imitating Mithunda each time he says "Jai Bhadrakali" will surely tickle your funny bone. Akshay as Ranjit's son and Ranjit as Dr.Ranjit Vasana K Pujari (The..rapist) offer some freshness to the movie. John, Ritesh, Shreyas, Rishi, Randhir and Boman are just puppets in the hands of the director with the most silliest of the storyline.

Music by Sajid-Wajid is young and catchy. Anarkali, Do you know and Right Now are a definite hit among DJs across the discotheques.

All the sexy female characters would undoubtedly be the front runners for best skin show. Our own sexy Munni is now Anarkali and I donot mind getting badnaam with her in the disco. Asin and Jaqueline put fire on screen grinding their ass against their boy friends in the song Right Now. Zarine Khan ...The Babushka is nominated for best bosom thumping award. I couldnot take my eyes off Shahzahn in two piece in the song Do u know.

Sajid proves once again that he know exactly what the audience wants. Nonsensical storyline, lots of silly gags and some great skin show by sexy chics.

Go on, say "Jai Bhadrakali" and ogle at the sexy chics in the movie among the dirty dozen. A guaranteed stressbuster and worth watch atleast once.

Paan Singh Tomar - Flawless Performance

"The marathon is a charismatic event. It has everything. It has drama. It has competition. It has camaraderie. It has heroism. Every jogger can't dream of being an Olympic champion, but he can dream of finishing a marathon." - Fred Lebow

Cut the damned wind, bring rythm to the breathing, sharp pain run through the legs, every stride reminds of the distance to be covered, and the passion pushing you towards the finish line and then it happened, I finished my first ever International Mararthon in 2004 followed by six more later.


Am I lucky? or am I Lucky? Both the passions of my life offered together at the same time and it was an awesome threesome session for 2 hours and 15 minutes. Me, Marathon and Movies.

Even flawless has flaw in it, but not Irrfan Khan's performance as Paan Singh Tomar, A farmer turned an Indian Army soldier turned seven times National champion in steeplechase turned notorious dacoit. Irrfan is perfect as an Indian Army soldier, long distance athlete and as the dreaded dacoit. The transformation from an athlete (who created records and broke his own records in Indian and International Games) to a dacoit in rusty look just blows your mind. His expressions are priceless as his eyes does most of the acting. You will not be able to take your eyes off him as Irrfan gets into the character.



Some of the scenes leave a lasting impression. One of the best scenes is when Irrfan does a steeplechase alongwith horses. And the movement of his fingers everytime he runs reminding that the athlete is still alive in him.


Irrfan has raised the bar to an all time high. Will Farhan Akhtar be able to meet the standards as Milkha Singh is a thing to watch out for. Tigmanshu Dhulia and Irrfan complement each other with the Director narrating the story with great control and the talented genius portraying the various shades of the unsung Indian sports hero. Mahie Gill as Irrfan's wife does justice to her role. Exquisite narration of the story with a neat blend of drama, humour and tragedy has also earned a place and praises for the movie in British Film Institute London Film Festival.

The regional dialect with some of the superb lines fit the rusty look of the Chambal valley.. Watch Irrfan deliver these lines with great comfort.At the end of the movie you will be left wanting more from this talented genius. Wish we get to see more from this gifted actor.


Abhi bina waqat barbaad kiye, Paan Singh Tomar dekhne chalo, kaho hau

 

Midnight in Paris - Makes your day

Il n’y a que deux endroits au monde où l’on puisse vivre heureux:  chez soi et à Paris.

(There are only two places in the world where we can live happy:  at home and in Paris.)

                                                                                         -  Ernest Hemingway


The 76 year old magician is back with his most successful commercial movie of his career. Woody Allen is a treasure in the world of movies. He is an accomplished Actor, Director, Screenwriter, Comedian, Musician, and Playwright (how many do you know who is all of these?)

Owen Wilson as Gil is a Hollywood screenwriter who comes on a trip to Paris with his gorgeous fiancee Inez (Rachel McAdams) and her parents. While strolling alone in the city, an antique vehicle rolls up and its occupants urge him to join them. He travels back in time with them to a party where he encounters F Scott Fitzgerald, Ernest Hemingway and Cole Porter – and falls in love with Pablo Picasso's mistress Adriana (Marion Cotillard). As he moves back and forth in time, the comic timing of Woody Allen's sophisticated witty storyline is fun to watch.




The grandeur of Paris, accomplished artists of the yore are captured with finesse. Woody Allen handles the story with great control to find a logical end to the fantasy in this Rom-Com. A well deserved Oscar for Best Original Screenplay.

Watch the talented Woody Allen narrate a light hearted Oscar nominated romcom Midnight in Paris which will make your day.

Hugo - Magic of movies

For the love of movies, Hugo is a tribute to the makers of early cinema and for their pure creativity. 


Martin Scorsese moving away from his usual gangster flicks creates magic on screen with a simple story of a kid (Hugo) who lives in Paris raliway station winding all the clocks at the station. Hugo has to repair a remarkable automation and a next level to cinema special effects in post world war 1 era with the help of its creator Ben Kingsley

If you thought Martin Scorsese can only do magic on screen with gangster flicks, think again. If you have patience to watch a movie for 2 hours you are in for a visual treat with an extravaganza of colours and special effects in 3D. Watch it for the love of movies and you will know why they won 5 Oscars this year in technical category.

Moneyball - Statistics aint everything

En Vazhi Thani Vazhi

                         - SUPERSTAR Rajni

Leaders tread the unwalken while, followers follow the beaten path. The cut throat business of the national game of America called Baseball, where players are sold and bought at the wink of eye between teams (I see this happeing in IPL very soon). 

In Moneyball, Brad Pitt plays Billy Beane, 44 year old general manager of the underfunded Oakland Athletics team(also called A's). Jonah Hill, an economist from Yale(who has never played baseball), comes with an idea of creating a team of individuals who have a proven track as per his STATISTICAL ANALYSIS but other teams think otherwise about these players. Watching the movie was more like a deja vu with my superboss, an American return, and his crazy idea of increasing business only by statistical methods and manual intervention a clear no-no .....God bless America for this crazy idea and God save my company.....

The players are bought at cheap rates and they go on to win a straight 20 games creating an American League record with their uncenventional team and method of buying the team. But in the end remember that they never won the final game (Just what I fear whats gonna happen to my company and will be more than happy if proven wrong)


Watch Brad Pitt in his Oscar nominated role and Jonah Hill do justice to their roles in this biographical sports drama.

Oscar 2012 - Laughter is back

He's back for the 9th time. He yells at the top of his voice in a silent movie, smooches George Clooney, imitates as the baseball coach, hangs out with Justin Bieber, barges into the ladies room, jumps out of Al Burj better than Tom Cruise, renames Kodak Theater as Chapter 11 theater. And you know the magic has begun. That's the talented Billy Crystal for you.

After James Franco and Anne Hathway had dried up the jokes out of Oscars last year, it was a relief to have the dependable Billy Crystal again. The laughter was back. The Academy Award veteran in his signature style breaks into a song and dance routine and then makes you laugh out loud before concluding his opening speech "Nothing takes the sting out of a recession like watching millionaires present each other with gold statues."

Chris Rock, Gwyneth Paltrow, Emma Stone, Robert Downey Jr were a good competition to Billy with their wit and comic timing.

As customary I was awake early to watch svelte chics sway on the Red Carpet in their designer wear. And believe you me its a treat to eyes.






The 84th year of the Academy Awards and many records galore:

Kodak Theater has been renamed as Hollywood and Highland center

The Artist is the first Silent movie to win an Oscar post World War I. The last silent movie to win an oscar was in 1929 called "Wings". As I had predicted earlier, it was a Silent kill with The Artist winning all the major awards, Best Actor, Best Director, Best Original Score, Best Film and Best Costumer Design.

 



Meryl Streep was nominated for the 17th time (many actors donot even last 17 movies) and won her 3rd Oscar for The Iron Lady(after losing for 12 times in a row) to join the club with Jack Nicholson,Ingrid Bergman and Walter Brennan. It was the moment to enjoy when she said "When they called my name, I had this feeling I could hear half of America go, 'Oh, no, why her again?' But whatever"

 




It was fun to watch 2 elderly people reunite when the 82 year old  immensely talented Christopher Plummer (of Sound of Music fame), the oldest acting winner for "Beginners", said 

"You are only 2 years older than me darling, where have you been all these years".

Woody Allen won his fourth Oscar after being nominated for a record 23 times.
And it was no surprise when all the Technical awards went to Martin Scorsese's "Hugo"

 
 84th year at the Oscars and as always the best was recognized

Best Picture: 'The Artist.'

Best Actor: Jean Dujardin, 'The Artist.'

Best Actress: Meryl Streep, 'The Iron Lady.'

Best Supporting Actor: Christopher Plummer, 'Beginners.'

Best Supporting Actress: Octavia Spencer, 'The Help.'

Best Director: Michel Hazanavicius, 'The Artist.'

Best Foreign Language Film: 'A Separation,' Iran.

Best Adapted Screenplay: Alexander Payne, Nat Faxon and Jim Rash, 'The Descendants.'

Best Original Screenplay: Woody Allen, 'Midnight in Paris.'

Best Animated Feature Film: 'Rango.'

Best Art Direction: 'Hugo.'

Best Cinematography: 'Hugo.'

Best Sound Mixing: 'Hugo.'

Best Sound Editing: 'Hugo.'

Best Original Score: 'The Artist.'

Best Original Song: 'Man or Muppet' from 'The Muppets.'

Best Costume Design: 'The Artist.'

Best Documentary Feature: 'Undefeated.'

Best Documentary Short: 'Saving Face.'

Best Film Editing: 'The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo.'

Best Makeup: 'The Iron Lady.'

Best Animated Short Film: 'The Fantastic Flying Books of Mr. Morris Lessmore.'

Best Live Action Short Film: 'The Shore.'

Best Visual Effects: 'Hugo.'

See you next year, same time, same place. Till then have fun at the movies.

BAFTA 2012 - The Artist rules

The 65th British Academy of Film and Television Arts (BAFTA) was held on 12 February 2012 at the Royal Opera House in London.


It was a clean sweep by "The Artist" team as they turned black and white to gold.

Best Film : The Artist

Best Director : Michel Hazanavicius (The Artist)

Best Actor - Male : Jean Dujardin (The Artist)

Best Cinematography : Guillaume Schiffman (The Artist)

Best Original Screenplay : Michel Hazanavicius (The Artist)

Best Original Music: Ludovic Bource (The Artist)

Best Costume Design : Mark Bridges (The Artist)

 

Best Actor -Female : Meryl Streep (The  Iron Lady) 

Best Supprting Actor - Male : Christopher Plummer (Beginners)

Best Supprting Actor - Female : Octavia Spencer (The Help)

Best Editing : Senna

Best Animated Film: Rango 

Orange Rising Star Award : Adam Deacon

The Artist - Silence is Golden

‘मौनं सर्वार्थ साधिके’ - Silence has the power to convey all meanings.

Its been proven since ages by Charlie Chaplin in 1940 in "The Great Dictator", Mel Brooks in 1976 in "The Silent Movie", Kamal Hassan in 1987 in "Pushpak" or "Pushpaka Vimana" that Silence is Golden and Old is Gold.

Its a reminder by the extremely talented Jean Dujardin and Michel Hazanavicius that they can sweep away all the awards without uttering a single word. After a clean sweep at the BAFTAs, get ready they might even rule at the Oscars.

After watching the movie, the only thought on my mind was that The Artist is a pure form of movie unblemished by nuances of the current talkie movies. A perfect tribute to the era of black & white and Silent movies.

 

 Jean Dujardin as George Valentin, the dashing and handsome superstar of Silent Movies in 1927 and Bérénice Bejo as Peppy Miller, a dancing extra in silent movies and the future superstar of the Talkie movies grace the screen with great passion and make you laugh, feel angry, cry, fall in love, sulk and then jump  in joy with their delightful expressions.

Michel does magic on the screen with his simple but exquisite narration of a simple lovestory and the ups and downs in the life of a movie superstar backed by the music score by Ludovic Bource. One of the best sequences in the movie is how George and Peppy fall in love during the successive retakes of a dance sequence. Believe you me, its witty, charming and makes you fall in love with the bygone era.

For the Love of movies - The Artist is a real masterpiece. Dont miss it when it hits the theaters

Iron Lady - We Love you Meryl Streep

With great power comes, great responsibility

                                                        - Mr. Ben, Spiderman's Uncle

1975, Aandhi, a great piece of art by Gulzar saab was not allowed to be released as it had similarity to the then Prime Minister of India, Mrs. Indira Gandhi. Phyllida Lloyd takes a bold step and has made a movie about the longest serving and the only female Prime Minister of Britain, Margaret Thatcher, and believe you me, the movie has had a full release worldwide and has been well received and will soon release in India too.

The supremely talented Meryl Streep playes a convincing Margaret Thatcher in Iron Lady. The movie revolves around the growth, hate and downfall of the Prime Minister due to her strict and conservative policies. She displays an array of emotions and I cannot think of anyone else who could have played the role to perfection.


I hope the 86 year old Mrs. Margaret Thatcher is not offended by the flawed storyline about her dementia and her hallucination about her late husband Denis Thatcher. Meryl streep with her Oscar nominated role makes up for any flaw in the plot with her splendind performance. At the end of the movie, you would be left wanting to have more from this talented genius.


My vote for 2012 Oscar award for Best Performance in a Leading role - female goes to Meryl Streep.


Donot miss this when it releases in India.

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

Arti est nullus hostis praeter inscientiam - There is no enemy of Art except ignorance

The genius and the talented David Fincher who gave us the crime thrillers Se7en and Zodiac is back with a remake of a 2009 Swedish movie with the same name "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo" (based on best selling trilogy by Stieg Larsson).


Mikael Blomkvist (Daniel Craig) is hired by Henrik Vanger (Christopher Plummer of Sound of Music fame) to investigate the disappearance of his grand niece 40 years ago. Mikael takes help of Lisbeth Salander (Rooney Mara) an anti-social, bi-sexual and a brilliant computer hacker to uncover the mystery.

The movie has been shot in some of the most beautiful locales. The complexity and intenstity created by David Fincher in his earlier movies are missing in his latest work. There is little space left for Fincher's magic to work as he has made minimal changes made to the script from the original. Daniel Craig and Rooney Mara do justice to their roles which compensates for the lack of intensity in the plot.


If you enjoy slow crime thrillers, watch out for the release of this movie. The movie loses its thrill as it is releasing in India with major cuts. The movie is also available online for all fans of crime thrillers till the ignorant censor board in India changes its archaic rules to appreciate Art. Also, donot forget to watch the Swedish movie on UTV Worldmovies.

Puss in Boots

"Every dog has his day...but the nights are reserved for the cats"


Every cat person is happy and so is Phoebe Buffay.

Set in Mexico, Puss in boots, his outlaw pal the Humpty Dumpty (the egg) and Kitty the softpaw plan and steal the magic beans from Jack and Jill which leads them to giant castle with golden eggs. 

The adventure deals with the early life of Puss, long before he meets Shrek in the European forests. Antonia Banderas as the brave Puss, Salma Hayek as Kitty and Zach Galfaniakas as Humpty add charm to the beautiful narration.If you have enjoyed the chemistry between Antonia and Salma in "Desparado", you are bound to enjoy this romantic adventure of Puss and Kitty as sparks of romance are rekindled with Antonia Banderas as the Puss in Boots (or as he likes to be called as Pooosh eeen booootsh) and Salma Hayek as Kitty the softpaw. The cat antics, music and the dance sequences will blow your mind.


Time to remind the world that pussy always wins and shall always be the center of attraction. Guaranteed entertainment with the pussy cat. Have fun at the movies

18th Screen Actors Guild Awards - 2012

The biggest and the brightest film and television stars came together for the 18th time to honour the best achievements in film and television for the year 2011 in the 18th Screen Actors Guild Award at the Shrine Exposition Center, Los Angeles.

18th Screen Actors Guild Awards

Cast – Film: The Help

Actor – Film: Jean Dujardin - The Artist


Actress – Film: Viola Davis - The Help

Cast – TV Drama:Boardwalk Empire

Actor – TV Drama: Steve Buscemi- Boardwalk Empire

Actress – TV Drama: Jessica Lange- American Horror Story

Cast – TV Comedy: Modern Family

Actor – TV Comedy: Alec Baldwin - 30 Rock

Actress – TV Comedy: Betty White- Hot in Cleveland    

Life Achievement Award - Mary Tyler Moore

 


  

The Descendants - Beautifully crafted

The story of our lives seen through Alexander Payne's lens.

A drama centered in Hawaii around the lives of Matt King (George Clooney), a workoholic lawyer, his wife Elizabeth King (Patricia Hastie), cheating on her husband and currently in coma in hospital, their drug abusing daugher Alexandra King(Shailene Woodley), and their foul mouthed youngest daughter Scottie (Amara Miller). Matt King has to find a way to manage as a single parent, reconnect with his daughters,find the person with whom his wife was cheating and deal with a high profile land sale which was inherited from their Descendants.

Alexander Payne is brilliant in portraying the dysfunctional family lives. As most audience would relate to the characters, the situations though tragic makes you laugh. Well cast and beautifully shot, the movie strikes a chord with the audience with brilliant performances by the main characters. Shailene Woodley ,Amara Miller and George Clooney complement each other with splendid performances. George Clooney as Matt King, a vulnerable parent, delivers a range of emotions, which could be his most celebrated role of his career.

A well deserved Golden Globe award and a well deserved Oscar nomination, watch the movie and enjoy the splendid performances which touch your lives.