The Dirty Picture - Silk and Curves (Sakkath Hot Maga)

Its raining gifts for “Man”kind in 2011, Get set to unwrap the latest Hot Gift, Silk and Curves…

                                         



Sakkath Hot Maga...Just Enjoy Maadi



Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara - Live life to the fullest

Akash Malhotra (Aamir Khan) in DCH: “Waise Bhi Perfection Ko Improve Karna Mushkil Hota Hai”
Farhan Akhtar: “Challenge Accepted”

Stunning Location, superb cast with 3 Male buddies (Abhay, Hrithik and Farhan), a super cool hot chic (Katrina) with a mind of her own (a rare species among women), a fiancee (Kalki) who is over possessive, annoying, ever suspicious, judgemental and with no mind of her own (Most females fall into this category), adventure sports and charming countryside of Spain superbly captured, hummable music and wacky dialogues and some great, comfortable and natural acting. And Perfection was improved after 10 years. And Barney Stinson said “Señores y Señoras it is LEGEN….wait for it….DARY”.

Zoya does to Spain in ZNMD what Farhan did to Goa in DCH. The Underwater deep diving, Sky diving, Tomatino festival and Bull race makes me pack my bags and leave to Spain. Ever dependable Abhay is as comfortable as ever, Hrithik as a grumpy investment banker definitely is trying very hard to get away from his comfort zone and try different characters. But the highlight of the movie is Farhan Akhtar. The movie has Farhan’s prints all over. He excels in dialogue writing, dialogue delivery, and is great as a freestyle flirt with awesome comic timing. He is very comfortable when he is invited to a shower with Katrina’s Spanish friend (see it to believe). If Senorita in España allows guys to enter the bathroom while they are showering, I have already learnt to ask “¿Puedo entrar, Quiero ducha con usted”. Katrina’s character is one of a kind. The scene in which Katrina drives a bike to just liplock with Hrithik sealed the deal for me. These kind of cool chics are a rarity and how I wish one of them was in my life. Most women would easily associate themselves to Kalki’s character (It cannot get more annoying than this).

Zoya excels in screenplay and in capturing the Bromance without losing the focus on the emotional baggage carried by each character. Farhan proves once again that he is the best in depicting “Bwoyz will be Bwoyz”. DCH was about 3 childhood friends in their early 20’s (I and my friends were 23 in 2001) and ZNMD is again about 3 childhood friends in their early 30’s (Guess what we are 33 now). What are the odds that this is a very similar storyline of Me and my friends sans Katrina in our lives. I could associate to the characters as they were very close to my reality. Just like the movie we too have got rid of Kalkis from our lives and are in search of Katrina in our story because "Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara". Every guy who has very close male buddies would agree with me. Females (Kalkis), I doubt you would even appreciate this fact (not that it matters to us).

We are making a trip to Spain to find our Katrina or should I say “Estamos realizando un viaje a España para encontrar nuestro Katrina”. You in the meanwhile watch ZNMD, its worth every penny you pay

Pensar en eso: ¿Qué hacer cuando os encontréis con vuestros Katrina

Delhi Belly - Smell of Success

It was year 2000, in a boring MBA class I wrote these four lines

To be happy in life all you need is
Money, Money and more money,
Go out with a girl on a date,
And from time to time ease yourself and defecate.

I was unaware that these four lines would inspire the basic story line of the latest blockbuster Delhi Belly.

3 guys staying in a bachelor accommodation in Delhi are hungry for money, sex and food like any other regular guy. Tashi (Imran Khan) a journalist is engaged to Shenaz Treasurywala, a dumb and rich air hostess. Arup (Vir Das), a cartoonist, Tashi’s other roommate, shaves his head as his girlfriend readies to marry a software engineer from Canada. Nitin (Kunal Roy Kapoor), the 3rd bloke is a photographer for Tashi who likes to blackmail his randi premi house owner to save rent and likes to eat Tandoori chicken from the ball scratching roadside vendor and is currently experiencing Delhi Belly. All these 3 regular bachelors have a roller coaster ride with a classic case of mix up while delivering 2 packages. The package meant for the doctor is delivered to gangster Somayajulu (Vijay Raaz) and the fun starts. Shenaz and the three guys are on the hitlist of Somayajulu as he realizes that this shit has happened to him. Bhaag DK Bose aptly runs in the background when all three run for their lives as they get into deeper shit. Then with help of Menaka (Poorna Jaganathan), Tashi’s friend, they pencher the gangsters and get out of the deep shit before it hits the roof and comes crashing down.

The colourful Lingo and comic situations are the USP of the movie. You would realize that you f*&^ing speak just the same way as all those characters in the movie. It’s our day to day language in every dialogue and most of them are hilarious. A special mention to Vir Das’s awesome dialogue of what his girlfriend did to him and in return what he did to her during the song sequence of “Jaa Chudail”. I could not control my laughter to my favorite dialogue by Vijay Raaz’s sidekick in the hotel.

Gangster knocks on the door
Voice from the room: Who is it?
Gangster: Sir, Looondree

Everyone in the movie gets their share of screen space, but it is Kunal Kapoor’s Butt show in the opening scene which cracks the deal for the movie. The screen space was best occupied by Shenaz Treasurywala’s treasure which is not in her chest but on her chest. Vijay Raaz and his chaman chuti$e sidekicks are amazing in every scene they appear. A laugh every 30 seconds is guaranteed. Kunal, Vir and Imran as regular bachelors hungry for money, sex and food have done a fantastic job and have no qualms using F&*^ in almost every dialogue they say. Every guy who has stayed in a bachelor accommodation will relate to them. All characters live up to the "A" certification, Kunal plays confidently with a wh0re, Vir Das doesnot blink an eye while talking about BJ and OS, Shenaz reminds Imran to shave his beard in the OS scene, Poorna thoroughly enjoys her liplock with Imran .

And finally Aamir khan as Disco Fighter with his pelvic thrusts penchers the success ride of Munni and Sheela when he says “Shake that biscuit Baby, Shake it for me” in the item number I hate you (like I love you) along with Anusha.

Music by Ram Sampath is very catchy, Bhaag DK Bose, Switty, Jaa Chudail, Pencher and I hate you (like I love you) used for promotion by Aamir, the promotion specialist, have done wonders for even for a tried and tested storyline. Director Abhinay cleverly ends the movie suggesting a sequel. And with an “A” certificate, I wish to see more than cleavage and belly button of all those Swittys in the sequel. 26.3 crores in the opening weekend speaks volumes about what the audience want to see and hear. Hope the trend is here to stay.

I had fun watching this crazy movie. All adults (definitely not by age ) who want to have fun while watching movies and are yet to watch this movie, run to your nearest movie hall singing

"BHAAG DK BOSE DK BOSE DK BOSE BHAAG BHAAG DK BOSE DK BHAAG"
All other kids please wait till your favourite cartoon movie Ra.one is released.

Think About it: All "F" word haters ban calendars at your place as every week after Tuesday even your calendar says W T F !

83rd Annual Academy Awards

The Father of Cinema Louis Lumière said "The cinema is an invention without a future".

Louis Lumière forgot that Cinema was The Future of Entertainment. It has been 116 years since Lumière brothers made their first motion picture and The Magic of Cinema continues to enthrall more and more as the days go by.

The Academy Awards, also known as the Oscars, was first held on May 16, 1929 at Hotel Roosevelt in Hollywood. The Academy Award is an accolade bestowed by the American Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences to recognize excellence of professionals in the film industry, including directors, actors, and writers. Quality takes the upper hand over Quantity here. Academy Awards stay true to their words and recognize the best unlike the awards in India. India holds the record for making the highest number of films in the world every year and yet fails to recognize the best.

Like every year, I was up by 6 am to watch the beauties in their designer clothing sway on the Red Carpet at the Kodak Theater. The first half hour was a thorough disappointment this year with Rajeev Masand trying to analyse the movies on the Red Carpet. Abhishek Bachchan and Ashutosh Gowariker’s interview during Oscars was so out of place. Who wants to analyze a movie or ask every celebrity the same question of what should a first timer do at the Oscars? You are in the midst of the beauties of this world you moron, just blend in and enjoy. Don’t you know Scarlett Johansson, Nicole Kidman, Mila Kunis, Warren Beatty, Natalie Portman, Reese Witherspoone, Sandra Bullock that you never bothered to interview them? The bimbos from Zoom tv would have done a better job on the Red Carpet. Rajeev, I rate you a ½ star (½ for interviewing Ash) for spoiling my Oscar time.
After witnessing some great hosts like Steve Martin, Billy Crystal, Whoopie goldberg and Alec Baldwin, James Franco and Anne Hathaway were not upto the mark hosting the 83rd Annual Academy Awards, though I should say, Anne looked stunning each time she came on the stage in a different costume. The beginning was awesome with a video of James and Anne appearing in all the 10 nominated movies. And post that it was downhill. And to salvage the not so great hosting, they had to get the funny and classy Bob Hope (visually created), who holds the record for hosting Oscars 18 times, and Billy Crystal. - King’s speech took the Top Honours with Best Picture, Best Director (Tom Hooper), Best Actor (Colin Firth) and Best Screenwriter (David Seidler) of their 12 nominations.
- Sci-fi thriller Inception shone with Awards for Sound mixing, Sound editing, Visual effects and Cinematography.(Well in Indian movie industry, they have no idea what these mean)
- Svelte Natalie Portman was adjudged as Best Actress in Black Swan
- The Social Network won three awards for Best film editing, Best music (original score) (Rahman needs to try different tunes to stay in the race next year) and Best writing (adapted screenplay).
- Christian Bale and Mellisa Leo won the Best Supporting actor and Actress for their role in The Fighter.
Baba Ranchchoddas words came true at the Oscars, “Kaamyaabi ki peeche mat bhaago, Excellence ke peeche bhaago, success jhak maar kar apne aap peeche bhaagegi,”

It was pure joy to watch excellence being rewarded with success. And the three hours of shimmer and shine, glitz and glamour has made my day. See you next year at the Oscars.

Think About It: Most Bollywood movies would be nominated for Best Adapted Screenplay for lifting stories from Hollywood

56th FilmfarCe Awards

All that shines is Gold and all that is glossy is fine cinema. -Jury members of Filmfare awards

Highlights of the 56th Filmfare Awards:

• Piggy Chops showed off her amazing curves dancing to the songs of the only diva of Indian movie industry- Madhuri Dixit.

• 
• The frame was perfect and almost all my dreams came true when 3 of my dream girls- Desi Girl, Dhak Dhak Girl and 50 kg Tajmahal were in the same frame.
• Kareena was scorching hot and it will be a treat to everyman's eyes by next year as her clothes gets reduced to Size Zero with her body growing to Size 4.
• Katrina was seen laughing at many Hindi jokes which obviously she never understood.
• Sonakshi was asked to promise that she will not expose till the script demands. I am wondering which script in Bollywood has not demanded actresses to expose?
• Farah Khan did the Munni dance when Sheila won the award for Best Choreography. Very evident that she was trying to keep Arbaaz happy, coz she needs to choreograph for Dabanng-2 too.
• And then it was ceremoniously and unanimously decided to rename Filmfare Awards as Film FarCe awards from next year after the jury members decided to give away the main awards to the following:
• Best Director: Karan Johar…..My name is Karan and direction is not my cup of tea…sorry not my cup of Koffee.
• Best Actor: Shahrukh Khan…..My name is Kh kha kha kha Khan (from the epiglottis) and I am a bakra in disguise.
• Best Actor: Kajol…..Were the jury sleeping when Ishqiya was released?
• Best Movie: Dabangg…..Chulbul Pandey ne Jury members mey itne ched kardiye ke woh conphuzz ho gaye ki soche kahaan se aur paade kahaan se.
• Best Scene: Golmaal 3 (mirchi scene)…..Mirchi and cactus needs to be shoved all the way up of Jury members arse.
• Best Special Effects: (NOT GIVEN)…..Was ROBOT released in 2011 for not getting the award?
• Best Action: Vijayan Master (Dabangg)…..Jury members haven’t heard of a movie called “Transporter 1” from where all the action sequences for Dabangg were lifted.
• And in the end jury members decided to save their face, which incidentally looks like their arse, and gave few of the awards to the truly deserving.
• UDAAN:
  o Best Supporting Actor (Male) Ronit Roy
  o Best Film (Critics): Vikramaditya Motwane and Sanjay Singh
  o Best Screenplay: Anurag Kashyap and Vikramaditya Motwane
  o Best Story: Anurag Kashyap and Vikramaditya Motwane
  o Best Background Music: Amit Trivedi
  o Best Cinematography: Mahendra Shetty
  o Best Sound Design: Kunal Sharma


• ISHQIYA:
  o Best Male Playback Singer: Rahat Fateh Ali Khan - "Dil Toh Bachcha Hai Ji"
  o Best Lyricist: Gulzar- "Dil Toh Bachcha Hai Ji"
  o Critics Award for Best Performance: Vidya Balan



• LSD:
  o Best Editing : Namrata Rao
  o Best Sound Design: Pritam Das
  o RD Burman Award: Sneha Khanwalkar

The Filmfare Awards are presented annually to supposedly honour both artistic and technical excellence of professionals in the Hindi language film industry of India. But in reality Filmfare is all about REVEALING the Abundant Talent overflowing from the undersized clothes of the leading ladies in Hindi Movie industry. I watch this show diligently every year hoping Filmfare never realizes their mistake and continue to showcase this abundant talent available in our country. I would rather write more about glamour and less about the awards at Filmfare which is getting renamed as FILM FARCE awards from next year.

It has been 57 years since Filmfare awards were initiated and Bollywood is yet to learn that movies with the best storyline and great acting deserve awards and not just the box office results. Filmfare in South are way ahead in rewarding the best than their counterparts in north. Check Kanchivaram (Tamil), Pazhassi Raja (Malayalam), Eddelu Manjunatha (Kannada).

With just few weeks away from Oscars, forget the Khans and their Khandaans, enjoy pure creativity and the art of story telling and display of some of the best acting skills on the silver screen by Colin Firth, James Franco, Danny Boyle, Javier Bardem, Natalie Portman, Christopher Nolan, David Fincher, Lee Unkrich.

Preparation for next year's Oscars: With Aamir Khan's Peepli [Live] not getting recognized in India or at the Oscars, it was decided to send Salman Khan's Dabangg-2 next year for the Oscars. Abhinav Kashyap wrote the story for Dabangg-2 within 60 seconds of the announcement (25 seconds faster than Dabanng-1). Karan and Shahrukh (who realised his name was Khan last year) announced to do My Name Is Khan-2(too) to give competition to Dabangg-2. And Sajid Khan was heard shouting "Kisika baap mera Housefull-2 ko Oscar jaane se nahin rokh sakta" as V V Chopra tried to calm everyone down by shouting "Shut Up" ,"Shut Up" ,"Shut Up".

Good Bad Ugly 2010- Hollywood

Great Scripts with unique story telling methods won the race in 2010.

Good ..... Must Watch

• Inception…..Dreams explained
• Shutter Island……Last minute shock
• Its Complicated……Treat to eyes
• Toy Story 3……Emotional
• Social Network……Zero to Hero
• Due Date……Hahahahahahaha
• How to train your dragon……Watch me fly one
• Expendables…..Nostalgic
• Knight and Day… I am still searching for my brains
• Up in the Air…Intelligent
  

Great Cast, Bad Story, Be happy you aint missing anything here

Bad and Ugly -2010

• RED……Never got Green signal from audience
• SALT……Tastes Bland
• Robinhood…….Shirish Kunder looted better
• Edge of darkness……Slow torture

Good Bad Ugly 2010 - Bollywood

Good Bad Ugly 2010

Movies with talented cast, unconventional scripts with a desi treatment stole the show in 2010. They took the risks and rewards just poured in.

Good ...Must Watch

1. Ishqiya - Sutli Bomb
2. Dabangg – I am still searching for my brains
3. Endhiran – Chitti Chitti Bang Bang
4. Love Sex aur Dhokha – Art of story telling
5. Raajneeti – Mahabharatha retold
6. Peepli [Live] – Reality at its best
7. Well Done Abba – Well done Boman
8. Atithi Tum Kab Jaoge? – Who doesn’t hate guests?
9. Tere Bin Laden – Small time wonder
10. Phas Gaye re Obama – Yes, we can
11. Rakht Charitra Part 1 – Bloody Entertainment
12. Rann….News Channels ki Vaat Laga di Mamu

All that shines is not Gold....and all that is glossy is not fine cinema...Movies with the same old treatment of glossy look saw no takers.

Bad and Ugly of 2010

• Teen Patti – Wrong Cards dealt
• Karthik Calling Karthik - Wrong number dialled
• Kites – Totally grounded
• Raavan – All 10 things went wrong
• Guzaarish – Humbly REQUEST SLB to stop making movies
• Prince – Vivek Oberoi in wrong COMPANY
• Khelein Hum Jee Jaan Sey – No time to play
• No Problem – Filled with problems
• Action Replayy – Not Again
• Anjaana Anjaani – Hope they remain Strangers
• Khatta Meetha – Tasted Bland
• Golmaal 3 – Maayaa Vo
• MNIK – Non Glossy films is not KJ’s cup of tea or should I say cup of Koffee
• Housefull – Theater empty
• TMK – Trash
• We Are Family - Nonsense