TMK- Trash It

Movie Piracy as defined by Bollywood – Illegally copying movies and selling pirated DVDs which has caused $1 bn loss to Indian entertainment industry.

But as per me Movie Piracy is illegally and shamelessly copying of movies for personal and commercial use (This includes the Bollywood industry shamelessly copying and profiting from the original creative art of non-hindi movies). When they can copy and make money out of it, why not Muniyandi in Burma Bazaar at Chennai or Riyaz in Hongkong Bazaar at Bengaluru selling pirated DVDs. Shamelessly copying scripts and calling it as “Inspired from” is an art developed easily in Bollywood. Check out a small list of Bollywood hits which were from copied scripts:

1. Partner from Hitch (English)
2. Ghajini from Ghajini (Tamil) which was copied from Memento (English)
3. Baazigar from A Kiss before dying (English)
4. Kambakth Ishq from Pammal K Sambandham (Tamil)
5. Golmaal – Fun Unlimited from Kakkakuyil (Malayalam)
6. Bheja Fry from LeDiner De Cons (French)
7. Swades from Chigurida Kanasu (Kannada)
8. Welcome from Mickey Blue Eyes (English)

I have prepared an exhaustive list of copied movies by Bollywood. I have had enough with these Bollywood….oops Copywood looters looting my hard earned money by selling me movies from copied scripts. It is time to loot the looters. From now on I will watch all these movies only on DVDs picked from Burma Bazaar / Hongkong Bazaar unless I have a very strong reason to watch it on big screen like TMK.

Main reasons for me to watch this copied movie on the big screen were:

1. Katrina Kaif
2. Katrina Kaif
3. Katrina Kaif
4. Katrina Kaif
5. Katrina Kaif
6. And more Katrina Kaif

Copied from 1966 Italian comedy Caccia alla volpe (After the Fox) starring Peter Sellers, Tees Maar Khan is a pile of garbage. In short, TMK is a story lifted by a group of looters called Shirish Kunder and Ashmith Kunder, of a looter called Tabrez Khan who are trying to loot your hard earned money. Farah Khan fails miserably due to a silly storyline developed by her husband with silly and repetitive jokes on movie industry. Shirish and Ashmith are the latest to join the list of Bollywood jokers who have no sense of script writing or story telling. You get tired hearing to Khanon mey Khan Tees Maar Khan being repeated after almost every dialogue by Akshay Kumar.

God definitely took a very long time to make this PERFECT ITEM GIRL, but in the process He Himself was so mesmerized by her beauty, he forgot to put acting skills into her. Filled with dangerous curves, acting skills was never a requirement. Kat sizzles in every scene and is at her seductive best, puts the screen on fire with her perfectly toned hot body. Temperatures soar high with her curvy hip swaying and bosom thumping to every beat in Sheela Ki Jawaani and Bade Dilwala. It is a treat to your eyes and I am sure Madhuri and Saroj Khan will be more than happy to handover the “Dhak Dhak Girl” title to Kat. Katrina does a Marilyn Monroe with her skirt flying and her superbly waxed legs do the trick. My eyes popped out and I had to fix them back into their sockets after this scene. Watch it and you would end up saying, wish there was a little bit more wind.

Every character is a buffoon in the movie. Raghu and Rajiv, the bald twins are tied at hip literally and speak every dialogue in sync, Akshay’s sidekicks shouting “Boss” at the drop of the hat, Kat acting her natural self as the dumbo bimbo and even talented actors like Akshaye Khanna and Ali Asgar have been portrayed as cartoon characters. Akshay Kumar's histrionics have become boring and he needs to try something new to stay afloat. Movie tries to create a spoof on many Hollywood and Bollywood movies, directors and actors and fails miserably. A spoof on Manoj Night Shyamalan as Manoj Day Ramalan and headless killer from “Sleepy Hollow” movie are the low points of the movie. And the worst part is Shirish Kunder takes Oscar award for the music, story and screenplay while Farah does the Munni dance in the end. It’s a disaster no wonder.

Watch Hotshots series, Scary movie series and Naked Gun series to know how to make good and interesting spoof movies. OR Watch Italian Job,The Sting and Ocean Eleven series to know how to make Con movies

Watch TMK only for Katrina and her awesome body and rest everything is trash.

Think About It: Who is the most talented among Aamir Khan, Naseruddin Shah and Katrina Kaif?
I vote for Katrina. Both Aamir and Naseruddin need a good story, good screenplay, and some great acting. But all Katrina needs to do is drop her clothes in front of the camera and the trick is done.

TMK and Tourist - Perfect Christmas Gift

What else can you ask for when you have been presented with the perfect gift to celebrate Christmas in this cold weather with 2 super hotties scorching the screens...The heat is all set to engulf you...Get set to enjoy with Sheila ki Jawaani in TMK and Super Hot Angelina Jolie in The Tourist this weekend. Reviews will follow once my hormones reach normal levels, till then I would have attained blissful state with an overdose of Testosterone.

Have a blast and Merry Christmas . And don't forget to sing the Christmas carol alongwith Barney Stinson (sing in "We wish you a Merry Christmas" tune) " I wish I could see her naked, I wish I could see her naked, I wish I could see her naked, and down on all fours" and lo and behold my child your wish will be fulfilled in "The Tourist".

Golmaal-3 (Nonsensically funny)

Ayyeee Oookh Aaale….aa blum….aaphlupk aaphlupk…aayeeyey aayeyeye….aaye oranayi oranayi maaya vo

If you think that the above dialogue is nonsense, think again because you guys made the first 2 installments of Golmaal series a hit with these kinds of dialogues. The third installment is no different and is as nonsensically funny as the first two. Get set to meet Gopal, Madhav, Lakshman, Lucky and Vasooli again teaming up with La La La Lakshman, Dabboo, Pappu and Guddi put up a buffoon act .

This is the story of Pappu (Mithun da) and Guddi (Ratna Pathak). Pappu and Guddi were lovers once upon a time whose marriage was not allowed by Guddi’s father Prem Chopra. They happen to meet at Goa after about 30 years when their kids have a fight and decide to rekindle their lost love. With Dabboo’s (Kareena) help they get married. Guddi’s sons Gopal (Ajay Devgn) and La La La Lakshman (Shreyas Talpade) and Pappu’s sons Madhav (Arshad Warsi), Lakshman (Kunal Khemu) and Lucky (Tusshar Kapoor) are sworn enemies and continue to get back at each other forgetting that their father and mother have got married now. And then there is Puppy Bhai (Johnny Lever), Daga (Sanjay Mishra) and Teja (Vrijesh Hirjee) who have stolen Maharani’s necklace and hidden it in Pappu’s necklace. And Vasooli (Mukesh Tiwari) tries to woo Chintu (Ashwini Kalsekar).

Gods must be smiling on Ashtavinayak Productions and Rohit Shetty as Golmaal 3 is the first Hindi movie trilogy even when something new has not been offered. Rohit Shetty has not learnt any new jokes even after being on Comedy Circus with some amazing standup comedians like Ali, VIP and Kapil. But it is Sudhir Mishra with his misspelt English words and Johnny Lever with his short term memory loss who make you laugh. Mithun puts his comedy foot forward and does a good job as Pritam alias Pappu caught between various fights. The conversation with Prem Chopra and Mithun da is funny when Prem Chopra asks “Kahan Raja Bhoj aur kahan gangu theli?” to show the difference in status and Mithun replies “ Mujhe pata nahin ki woh dono kahan hai”. The movie is funny in bits and parts. Rohit tries to bring in a nostalogia of yesteryear songs with Mithun’s “Disco Dancer” number but the scenes look stupid. But that’s the USP of the movie with everyone acting like buffoons and being stupid. The only other reason to watch the movie is the hot Kareena.

Music and dialogues are not worth mentioning. Screenplay is loose as every scene is a like a gag played on the characters. Rohit makes a fool of himself as he tries to make fun of Kareena and Shahid’s relationship, fun of Ekta Kapoor and many others in the movie fraternity.

Watch this if you no other choice or wait for sometime and it will surely premiere on Colors / Sony channel soon. I suggest its better to watch the original comedy Golmaal starring Amol Palekar and Utpal Dutt.

Till then try and decipher this dialogue from the trilogy “Ayyeee Oookh Aaale….aa blum….aaphlupk aaphlupk…aayeeyey aayeyeye….aaye oranayi oranayi maayaa vo”

Rakht Charitra - 1 (Bloody Entertainment)

Lance Armstrong was diagnosed with testicular cancer in 1996. When the whole sports fraternity wrote him off, he bounced back and won Tour De France championship for 7 times in a row from 1999-2005. And now King of Goontimes has survived the dud-movie cancer he was diagnosed with and is back with a Bloody, Violent and a gritty story.

Let me remind all people who had written him off, Ramu makes a violent comeback with the first installment of Rakht Charitra, based on the true violent story of Paritala Ravi. Pratap Ravi (Paritala Ravi or Vivek Oberoi) comes back to Anandpur to avenge his father’s gruesome death. Both Ravi and his barbaric opponent Bukka Reddy (Abhimanyu Singh) take turns in killing members of each other’s group in one of the most gruesome manner ever seen in Indian movies with hands being chopped, head chopped in sugarcane grinder, head crushed with boulders and blood splurting all over the screen. Bukka reddy is evil personified. He is ruthless, kills everyone who comes in his way and even succeeds in scaring away NTR (Shatrughan Sinha), filmstar turned politician, from conducting a political campaign at Anandpur. Ravi joins hands with NTR and history is written with one of the worst rowdy known in AP becoming a minister. Ravi and his team devise a plan and kill Bukka reddy in a lodge in Hyderabad. And the movie ends abruptly with Suri (Surya) attacking Ravi’s convoy with a bomb only to be continued in the second installment.

Unconventional camera angles, loud background music mixed with a Sanskrit sloka, rusty look on characters marks the signature style of the talented Ramgopal Varma. Ramu is the undisputed king of Underworld, violence and dark movies. Its pure art on screen with Ramu enjoying penetrating deep into the dark territory he owns even when this remains a virgin territory for most directors in India. I shall say again “The King of Goontimes is back”. The killing sequences are done with violent grace as Ramu enjoys the moments with the audience left disturbed and amazed. Screenplay is crisp and gripping. Dialogues are minimal but it is the intense expressions and mannerisms of the characters which makes the movie a gripping watch.

Vivek Oberoi as Ravi is serious about his character does a good job and reminds you of his work in Company and Shootout at Lokhandwala. Shatrughan Sinha as NTR is enigmatic and yet funny each time he says “Topic Over”, but it is Abhimanyu Singh as Bukka reddy and Kota Srinivas Rao as Nagamani who make the movie worth the watch. Abhimanyu as the barbaric blood thirsty and lust hungry Bukka reddy with amazing animalistic performance bites well into the meaty role offered. He was awesome in Gulaal, and he is better in RC-1. I hope we get to see more of this talented actor in coming days. He leaves an indelible impression on you with his mannerism when he plays with a toy elephant or when he licks the gun or when he stares at a kidnapped lady’s bosom. Sudeep, Sushant singh and Ashish Vidyarthi do a good job in their small role.

Ramu moves from Govinda Govinda in Sarkar to Nagendrahaaraya in RC-1.This sloka keeps repeating throughout the movie with every killing. This may be the director’s way of reminding everyone to remember God at the time of death. The background music is very loud along with a cacophonic song featuring Sukhwinder Singh. This cacophonic music gels well to the rustic look and violent feel of the movie.

RGV said KANK (which is based on a non-sensical emotion called Love) is the scariest movie he has ever seen. Go and watch RC-1 with the Purest form of emotion called Vengeance which definitely lives upto its name. A must watch for all diehard Ramu fans.

I just can’t wait for more bloody art in the second installment with Surya and Priyamani.

Think About It: BJP is thirsty for Congress members’ blood after watching RC-1 on first day first show at Adarsh Society through 2G spectrum. They butchered Ashok Chavan and A.Raja and now they will not stop till they drink PM’s blood. Its time Congress members watched RC series.

Endhiran - The Robot (En Vazhi Tani Vazhi)

"A star requires great looks, good height, versatile acting, six-pack body, etc. And if one has none of the above he will become superstar Rajni."
- Ramgopal Varma

It is very difficult to figure out to which I should express my awe:

1. Sachin hit his 49th Test Century.
2. India won 101 medals in CWG.
3. Endhiran – The Robot show started at 5 am (read again it is 5 in the morning)

I will stick to Robot for now for the kind of hysteria only, the bus conductor from Bengaluru turned Thalaivaa in Chennai, RAJNI can create. Nowhere, mind you, nowhere in the world has a movie started at 5 am in the morning. Sergey Bubka broke his own pole vault world record 35 times in a span of 20 years. RAJNI has been breaking not only his own records but of everyone else across the world for the past 35 years. A new Indian record in the collections:
• 1st week collections – 117 crores (Tamil version)
• 1st week collections – 15 crores (Hindi version)

Raju Hirani and Shankar both saved their movies by not casting SRK (who was their initial choice) in their respective movies, Munnabhai MBBS and Endhiran. Shankar joins hands with Rajni once again after the success of “Sivaji The Boss” to create magic on the silver screen with “Endhiran – The Robot” with a whooping budget of INR 162 crores, costliest movie in Asia. Rajni charged INR 26 crores for the movie making him second highest paid actor in Asia after Jackie Chan. And Aish charged INR 6 crores making her the highest paid actress in India. Just when everyone thought that Chulbul Pandey and Ranchhoddas Shyamaldas Chanchad were way ahead in the race, Rajni saar(who has never endorsed a product till date) said “Lakalakalakalakalaka Ippudu Choodu Kanna (See now son)” and breaks all the records in Indian Cinema Chanchad (who sells coke), Pandey (who sells washing powder), Sarkar (who sells laal dant manjan) or the guy who recently realized his name was Khan (who sells fairness cream) ever created.

Vaseegaran (Rajni), a scientist, creates Chitti (Robot Rajni) a super intelligent android with enormous powers including emotions (use your creativity here…this Robot can do anything…well so can Rajni). Chitti walks like Rajni, talks like Rajni and emotes like Rajni. And as in all the stories of the world the main source of problem is a woman. Chitti falls in love with Vaseegaran’s love interest Sana (Aish) and a love triangle starts. Danny Denzgonpa, Vaseegaran’s boss, implants a red chip into Chitti so that he can control it, but the plan backfires and Chitti goes rogue. (Rajni has till date defied the laws of physics in all his movies which led to the death of Newton and Einstein and now he defies Biology, Physiology and Anatomy) Chitti kidnaps Sana and plans to impregnate her and create an army of Robots known as Robosapiens(I thought wtf… but as per a fan who saw the movie at 5 am in Chennai…Thalaivaa controls Science, Science doesnot control Thalaivaa…but I was still left wondering how does a Robot create “the best swimmers in the world” to create his off springs….I could not control my laughter at this insanity). Anyways finally it is Armageddon between Rajni (Vaseegaran) and Rajni (Robot).

Shankar has borrowed the concepts of a Robot with emotions from Becentinnial Man and the action sequences from Terminator and Iron Man series and has blended the Indian masala sentiments to make it worthy of watch by Indian audience.

The first half is filled with various antics of the Robot in Rajni’s unique ishtyle. People have mocked at Rajni’s capability of defying science, but with Rajni as Robot, Shankar takes full liberty to defy every logic. Rajni runs faster than a running train, skates on the railway track, runs on the train sideways, reads books by just glancing at them, cooks every kind of food, walks through fire to save people, rotates his head 360 degrees, can apply mehendi at an amazing speed, helps Sana to copy during exams by projecting answers on her answer sheet, kicks every goon troubling Sana and even delivers a baby by just the knowledge of reading Aish’s textbooks. You will just fall in love with Rajni- The Robot. Shankar is a genius and his creativity seen in most of the scenes. The best scene in the first half is when Chitti rescues Sana from goons and pulls away all their knives with his magnetic field and stands like a Goddess with Trishul, Sword, knives etc….it was priceless(watch it to believe).

There is a thin line of difference between being a creative genius and madness. And the thin line of difference is the Intermission.

Shankar moves from being a creative genius in the first half to never ending madness in the second half. The madness began when Chitti chases a mosquito which had bit Sana (the initial indications of a director going crazy).Defying every logic with an overdose of Masala in the second half, the encounter between the scientist and the Robot has some of the best special effects ever seen in an Indian movie, created by Stan Winston studios (same studio provided special effects for Avatar). Attention to detail has been amazing and the special effects will blow you away. I was surprised that there was not a single scene with Rajni’s signature style of moving his hands or a cloth making the whooosh, wheeesh noise or the scene of popping a cigarette. Though the scene is borrowed from the movie” The Mask”, its amazing to watch Chitti shoot with hundreds of machine guns held in his two hands and saying “Happy Diwali boys”. The other best part was to listen to Chitti telling Sana how he plans to impregnate her (With this scene Shankar had become completely insane). Money is well spent by Shankar and team with the army of Robots (All of them are Rajni) taking the form of a huge snake to swallow the cops and their cars or as a huge driller or a huge pyramid to reach a flying chopper. But the best scene is when all Robots rotate their heads 360 degrees and Chitti “mehs” like a sheep to catch “The Black Sheep” (Vaseegaran) who has disguised himself as a Robot. Watch this scene and you will surely say give me more of this craziness.

Music by Rahman is hummable but doesnot stay in your memory for long. The song sequences have Shankar’s name stamped all over them with the screen turning into a collage of colours. Single Rajni can do wonders, but with army of Rajnis it is a great spectacle. My eyes were glued to the screen watching God’s greatest creation, the Super Hot Mangalorean chic Aish, shake her booty for the song Kilimanjaro and Endhiran(Title song). There is nothing sexier than watching Aish (every man’s dream girl) swaying in a saree. It reminds of a poster of Aish from the movie Kandukondein Kandukondein stuck on my study table in my college days 10 yrs ago. The then 50 kg Tajmahal (now more like a 60 kg Tajmahal) looks more full now and sensuous, it was worth every penny I paid. Though Aish has very less to do in the movie, she looks stunning in South Indian attire, just can’t take your eyes off her when she is on the screen. Thank you Lord for giving us this hot chic.

Rajni is the most bankable star for any producer and distributor. After the debacle of Baba and Kuselan, Rajni personally made up for the loss of all the distributors, no other actor in Bollywood has displayed this kind of professionalism and generosity till date. Rajni is the REAL SUPERSTAR because of his humility even after being India’s highest paid actor and stays true to his words “En Vazhi Tani Vazhi (I walk the unique path)”.

The tamil version is a crazy hit with all the theaters in Tamil Nadu running houseful in the opening weekend collecting INR 95 crores. No wonder there is a panic button pressed in Ra.One and KKrish -2 production houses. The only person who can break Rajni Saar’s record is Rajni Saar (SRK and Roshan…hope you are listening).

Forget all your problems and definitely all laws of Science, go watch the movie, get entertained for nearly 3 hours. Enjoy the Rajni phenomena (8th wonder of the world) when it lasts.

Think About It: To know more about Rajni…you can mail him at gmail@rajnikanth.com

Dabangg - Abhi tak sabko nahlaya hai, ab sabko dhounga

Mera Khandaan (Khan’s family) has better Dabangg (fearless and has good deal of control over the other powerful people) and can give much better hits than any other person with his name as “Khan” and his “Family”.

Abhinav Kashyap brother of ace director/script writer Anurag Kashyap has tried (note the word tried) to bring in the nostalgia of movies of 70’s with a story of 2 brothers who part ways and how they unite in the end to beat up the bad guys. Most people are referring to this movie as a movie for Mass audience. I don’t agree with them, as it is meant for “selected target audience” and is a “class apart”, it should rightfully be on top of the list of movies for Class audience.

Salman Khan uruf Chulbul Pandey uruf Robinhood Pandey has bad childhood memories of being ill treated by his step father (Vinod Khanna uruf Pandeyji) and step brother (Arbaaz Khan uruf Makhee Pandey). He grows to become a corrupt cop who loots the people who loot. He falls in love with Sonakshi Sinha uruf Rajjo, daughter of Mahesh Manjrekar uruf Rajjo’s papa. Sonu Sood uruf Chedi Singh along with Om puri uruf Inspector Kasturi Lal wants to take revenge on Chulbul Pandey for looting their loot. In the meanwhile Makhee Pandey is in love with Mahie Gill uruf Nirmala, daughter of Masterji uruf Tinu Anand. Chulbul’s mother uruf Dimple Kapadia dies and Chulbul is thrown out of the house by Pandeyji. Chedi Singh takes advantage of the opportunity to create more misunderstandings between Chulbul and Makhee. And in the end Chulbul and Makhee join hands to fight against Chedi Singh.

Now that’s a very stupid story by Dilip Shukla and Abhinav Kashyap. Without any controversies like other movies (Chutan Bhagat v/s V V Chopra or SRK v/s US Airport Cops) the movie has created a record of raking 14.5 crores in India alone (highest in Hindi movie industy) on the first day and 49 crores in the opening weekend in India alone (again highest in Hindi movie industy) mainly because of the great marketing effort of the total package the movie offers (Watch the trailer to get the awe feeling). The story is not set in Mumbai or Newyork (Hope RGV and KJ are listening).Music by Sajid-Wajid is great. Tere Mast Mast Do Nain byRahat Fateh Ali Khan is sweet to your ears and Munni Badnaam Hui and Peeni Hai are good dance numbers. Few scenes of Dubai work wonders for the movie in the middle east. But the main credit for the success goes to the Cheesy dialogues like “Chedi Singh hum tum me itne ched karunga ki tu conphuzz ho jaoge ki saas kaha se le aur pade kaha se”.

Along with the Cheesy dialogues, some of the scenes are out of the world. The introductory scene of Salman gives every Bachchan, Kapoor, Khan and Khanna a run for their money when he says “Abhi tak sabko nahlaya hai, ab sabko dhounga”. Every scene is like an Ad for Rayban with almost everyone in the movie sporting Rayban Shades. I couldn’t stop laughing listening to Arbaaz’s plan to rob Salman’s money and how he proposes to return it later or when the constables crack jokes to make Sonakshi laugh (watch the scenes to believe it). The action scenes have been shot with great expertise supported by good fast and slow motion editing. And Western Cowboy music gel well with the action scenes set in UP village. Salman even does a Matrix style stunt in one of the action sequences. The whistling in the movie hall did not stop when Malaika scorched the screen with her jhatkas, matkas and her pelvic thrusts in Munni Badnaam Hui. You will not be able to take your eyes off her when she swings to the words“Mein Zandu Balm hui darling tere liye”. I would love her to be my Zandu Balm anyday. And I am sure you will fall in love with this sexy siren just like I have. And the greatest achievement by the director was to make me laugh even during tragic scenes like the protagonists parents death.

Salman carries the whole movie on his shoulders. He delivers the Cheesy dialogues with great comfort in UP ishtyle and his histrionics definitely a serious competition to Rajni Saar. (Watch Salman play with his Rayban glasses and fixing them to his shirt collar at the back of his neck). Arbaaz looks as expressionless as he is in real life. Script never allowed debutant Sonakshi to display her “well endowed talent”. Sonu Sood spends most time showing off his six pack abs and his acting is not worth mentioning. Movie also has actors like Om Puri, Vinod Khanna, Dimple, Mahesh Manjrekar, Anupam Kher and Mahie Gill whose part closes even before they can start acting. But the Actor who steals the show is the Mind Reading Shirt. This Shirt appears on Chulbul Pandey’s body in the final action scene. Just as the audience is left wondering that Salman never stripped in the whole movie, the Shirt reads their minds and tears itself into pieces allowing Salman to show off his signature style, Topless. Thanks to the amazing script, there was no Mind reading pant.

Sallu Bhai rocks, Malaika sizzles, and dialogues make you ROFL. Wish we could see more of Sonakshi. Nevertheless leave your brains at home and watch this for a good laugh and to de-stress. This is a better bet than any of KJ’s movies.

THINK ABOUT IT: The movie would have created a bigger history if the Mind Reading Dress was on Sonakshi’s body. Hope the rest of the audience agrees with me.

We Are Family - Nonsense

America has survived for a long time only on 2 beliefs….Santa Claus is Real and Elvis Presley is still Alive. Obama knew that 9/3 is going to be more disastrous than 9/11 and ordered that all the troops in Iraq to return to US with immediate effect few days ago to manage the domestic violence which would erupt when the people in US realize that Elvis Presley is dead. Siddharth Malhotra and Karan Johar’s “Family” have successfully convinced the world that Elvis Presley is Dead by replacing him with thunder thigh queen Kajol, Size Zero Kareena and Expressionless Rampal in the Jailhouse Rock number. A big catastrophe has struck US and its just the beginning of the end of US. KJ had been planning this attack for a long time now. Now he has avenged his “Close” friend Khan’s (who by the way realized that his name was Khan just a few months ago) humiliation by Americans. This has been the biggest attack on USA post 9/11. 9/11 will be long forgotten and will be replaced by 9/3 for all references.

Just when you thought KJ as a producer has started making sensible movies with “Wake up Sid”, KJ goes back to his old style of trying to name his movies with the selected alphabets which now happens to be “W”. But in the whole process he forgot that the Sid who is yet to WAKE UP is the director of this disaster movie called “We are Family”.

I will keep the review simple….WATCH THE ORIGINAL(the emotions are more real) and don’t waste your money on this nonsense. And if you need reasons for this, I have plenty to substantiate this:

Kareena as an actor has come a long way…but she definitely is no match for Julia Roberts
Kajol makes a comeback but she aint Susan Sarandon either
Sid is still sleeping and needs to wake up to reality
And the main reason….its a story of KJ’s Family and their nonsensical emotions

THINK ABOUT IT: KJ is planning his next attack on US coming December with his next venture called “KRISTMAS” and Santa Claus will be long gone.

The Expendables - ITS BOOM, BOOM and more BOOM

Inflation is peaking across the globe….Living Legend Sylvester Gardenzio Stallone is in complete denial and is ready to prove it. He says you’ll not only get more for the same 100 rupee Gandhi note but you will get the best in the industry.

If you need one good reason to watch this movie….Sly says “I will give you 11 and if one Rambo ain’t enough…make way for gang of Rambos.”

Sylvester Stallone…..Age – 64, I am your worst nightmare, push me hard and you'll get war.
Jason Statham…..Age – 38, Rule # 1, Fasten your seat belts and never change the deal.
Jet Li…..Age – 47, Here's the deal, Meatball. You let me go, I LET YOU LIVE.
Dolph Lundgren…..Age- 53, I gave you an order soldier, now let me see you waste that gook traitor
Terry Crews….Age – 42, I'll be praying for the families of your victims.
Randy Couture…..Age – 47, If you're looking for a whoopin', you've come to the right place.
Mickey Rourke….Age – 58, I don't hear you giving me any name, jerk. Guess when I shot you in the belly, I aimed a little too high.
Bruce Willis...Age – 55, yippie kay yay
Arnold Schwarzenegger....Age – 63, I’ll be back
Steve Austin....Age – 46, You know, I don't know who you are, and I don't care.
Eric Roberts….Age – 54, You think you know me? hah! You think you know me?

People like Sly just don’t give up…do they? They are ridiculously crazy and we like them that way. When SRK and Aamir (both in 40’s) are working towards 6 and 8 pack abs only to show off in some stupid songs like Dard-e-disco and Guzaarish, Sly Stallone is all set to rediscover himself at the age of 64 as the Ultimate Action Hero of all times even after gaining worldwide fame with smash hits like Rocky series (started in 1976) and Rambo series (started in 1982). This is the ultimate tribute to the Action heroes with an average age of above 50 in the crew. Even at the RIPE age all of them I should say are RAW.

The story has absolutely nothing to offer though the movie starts off on a very promising note. Story in short, a highly trained mercenary group called “The Expendables” is sent on a mission to an Island to fight against the dictator and the druglord. As the storyline is very familiar, ignore the story and concentrate on what Sly has lined up. The usp of the movie is the nostalgia it creates w.r.t. the who’s who of the 80’s and 90’s action movies. It is a very difficult task to give screen space to all the legends and build on their characters. Only Sly and Statham get more screen space, but nevertheless Sly has managed to do a good job.

This is not the best action movie I have seen, but the old school heavy duty fight sequences and vehicles flying while bodies are being torn apart and cool dialogues delivered with bullets flying during gun fights, and legends kicking ass as well getting their ass kicked was worth my money. I have grown watching these legends kick ass on the big screen and the best scene any action movie buff can ask for is to see Sly, Bruce Willis and Arnold together on the screen. Though Bruce and Arnold had only a cameo role, the scene was worth it with Sly making fun of Arnold for trying for the post of President. My favourite scene is when Sly runs on a bridge and then jumps on to hold on to the flying plane in the first half. The second half is filled with an ass kicking team who wreak havoc with a ton load of explosives on anyone who stands in their way. Its just boom, boom and more boom.

Sly Stallone, in his mid 60’s has produced, co-scripted and directed the movie apart from doing most of the stunts on his own, he ain’t a faint hearted chicken like Abhishek Bachchan who tried to take credit away from his body double for his jump into the river from the cliff claiming the stunt as his own in Raavan. Sly reminds all of us that he is still capable of making engrossing action movies. Bollywood offers only one genre – “Masala genre” (Romance, comedy, action, suspense etc…all in One), hence the whole movie industry was invited as Farah and SRK themselves were confused about the genre of their movie Om Shanti Om.

Kids, faint hearted chickens, KJ and SRK fans stay back and watch MNIK…. Expendables is a GUY THING….Watch it for an adrenaline overdose seeing the Action legends, the movie industry has ever got to offer, together. And in the end you’ll surely say “Thank You Rocky”

THINK ABOUT IT: If the movie had also lined up Halle Berry, Sharon Stone, Kate Winslet, Madonna, Cindy Crawford, Charlize Theron, Demi Moore, Cameron Diaz, Monica Belluci and Angelina, I suppose the movie would have been called “Cherry Blossom”.

Primal Fear

You are not one but three - The one you think you are, the one others think you are and the one you really are.

-Satyanarayana Raju
Based on William Diehl’s novel, Gregory Hoblit has provided the movie watching fraternity one of the best psychological thrillers. He succeeds in holding onto the suspense till the last second and the ending will blow you away.

Movie starts off with Aaron Stampler (Edward Norton) being arrested for the gruesome murder of archbishop along with the murder weapon. A never beaten attorney Martin Vail (Richard Gere) takes up the case to defend Aaron, an innocent altar boy who stutters. With all the evidences against Aaron, Vail fails to convince the jury that Stampler and his girlfriend were the victims in the situation as they were sexually abused by the archbishop. As the trial progresses, Vail is shocked to discover the soft spoken Aaron transforming into a violent personality calling himself as Roy, who admits to have committed the crime. Aaron reveals that he has no memory of the happenings when he is Roy. Hoblit has put in immense efforts in the very real and convincing scenes where Aaron transforms himself to Roy. Vail creates a situation for the prosecutor Janet Venable (Laura Linney) to provoke Aaron so that he transforms himself to Roy in the court and the Jury is convinced that Aaron is suffering from Multiple personality disorder and he be sent to a mental hospital and not jail.

As the final scene rolls, Vail meets Aaron and the suspense is revealed which will blow you away. You have to be seated till the end of the movie and once the suspense is revealed in the last minute of the movie, I can picture you guys in shock and awe with your jaws dropped and thinking about the whole story again as it has done to the audience for the past 14 years since 1996.

Richard Gere and Laura Linney complement each other and do a commendable job as ex-lovers and as defense attorney and prosecutor. But the movie belongs completely to Edward Norton. Norton’s career was launched and it rocketed sky high with his stupendous performance as the innocent Aaron and violent Roy. He won 8 awards for this role out of 12 major nominations in 1996 and Hollywood got itself a new villain.

This movie is worth your collection and recommended for all occasions.

THINK ABOUT IT: Deewangee (Ajay Devgn, Urmila and Akshay Khanna) is a very bad copy of Primal Fear. The suspense is revealed in the first half of the movie itself (what a shame) so that they could incorporate some song sequences in the movie. When will these Hindi Movie directors who copy movies from Hollywood ever learn the art of story telling?

SALT - Tastes Bland

Watan ka khaaya NAMAK toh NAMAK HALAL bano
- Arjun Singh walad Bhim Singh walad Dashrath Singh

Phillip Noyce delivers yet another Spy Thriller after some of his successful spy thrillers like Patriot Games, Clear and Present Danger, The Bone Collector, The Saint. Though the director has incorporated good twists and turns to the plot, the storyline is very familiar and audience familiar to spy thriller genre will not be thrilled. By replacing Tom Cruise (who dropped out quoting that he had already done movies with this kind of storyline) with a hottie like Angelina Jolie, I was expecting some “thrilling scenes” like his previous movie “Sliver” starring Sharon Stone. But the food tasted bland even with so much of SALT.

The movie kicks off on a promising note with Evelyn Salt (Angelina Jolie), a CIA agent being framed as a Russian Spy. Then as she is on the run, the story keeps you guessing whether Salt is a Russian spy or a CIA agent. The pace of the movie gets very slow and in the end it’s a no brainer to answer the question – “Who is Salt?”. Moving away from Computer Graphics, Angelina has done all the stunts on her own including jumping from a flyover onto a speeding truck and then onto a speeding tank and then jumping onto the road to speed away on a bike or jump from a moving train without getting injured. This was the only thrilling moment in the movie. The movie ends with Jolie escaping from CIA suggesting a sequel to the movie. Familiar plot and slow pace of the story and very few commendable action sequences does not qualify SALT to be compared to Bond, Mission Impossible or the Bourne series.

Watch it only if you like to watch Angelina Jolie kick some ass. If you are a big fan of her svelte figure, I suggest you watch her other thrillers like “Taking Lives”, “Original Sin” or wait for the 2010 release “The Tourist” (with Johnny Depp)

Think About It: Is a Cool Chic Hot or a Hot Chic Cool?

Inception - What an Idea Sirjee

If you THINK what you are THINKING is what You are THINKING, I strongly THINK that you should THINK again

First it was “Matrix” to adopt concepts from Bhagvad Gita, then it was “Avatar” on the concept of body, soul and re-birth. And now it’s the concepts from the Hindu Philosophy of Mind, Sub-Conscious Mind and Dreams which makes us what we are.

Christopher Nolan and his obsession on concepts of MIND and beyond are evident in all his previous works. If Memento was about the thought process and actions of a man with Short-term memory loss (just to remind you all that Ghajini is a very bad adaptation of Memento – the soul of the story is lost due to the romance angle), Dark Knight was about the darker side of a super-hero, Prestige about Ego and revenge and Insomnia about nightmares.

If you did not miss a scene in Memento so that you were not left confused…you will have to do that again.

“Inception” is a step higher than Memento….with many scenes inter-linked and happening at the same time…you just cannot take your eyes and thoughts away from the screen. Ensure that you remember every scene. The special effects will blow you away and personally I feel what was presented was just a tip of ice-berg of Nolan’s thoughts.

Cobb is an expert in stealing an Idea by entering the dreams and the sub-conscious mind. But his last job is to plant an Idea or an Inception. Cobb builds a team of Architect (who can create a world in the dream), a Forger (who can imitate a known person in the dream), A Chemical specialist (who has chemicals to keep the person in the dream state), and then his associate and his employer. Together they enter Fischer’s Mind to plant an Idea to dissolve his Father’s company. To plant the idea they need to enter 3 levels below the sub-conscious mind to hide the thought of who originated the Idea. It is a roller coaster ride with us moving from dream within a dream within a dream. Now that’s something and I could not take my eyes or thoughts away from the screen even for a while. I had infact entered Nolan’s dream world. It is great treat to eyes and mind.

Di Caprio…what a performer. If you were stunned by his performance in Shutter Island, then you are in for a bigger treat. He is getting better with every movie. Joseph Gordon Lewitt, Ellen Page (from Juno fame) do an incredible job along.

Here’s one of those movies which will leave you Thinking. You may also want a second go with the movie. And I should say, here’s a movie which cannot have an Inception in Bollywood directors’ dreams, coz they got no dreams and no creativity.

All I can say to Nolan is ….What an Idea Sirji !!!!

Recommended for all movie buffs who want to go beyond Indian Masala movies and be a part of the Cult.

Think About It: Who Incepted the Idea of “Inception” in Chrisopher Nolan’s sub-conscious mind?

Knight and Day

The simplest way to explain Einstein’s formula E=MC² is Entertainment = Movie with Cruise & Cameron.

A Cool secret agent who has been set up by his colleague is on the run and has an encounter with a hot chic on the way to Boston, who mistakenly happens to be on the same flight. And the story line is about how he manages to clear his name apart from helping this chic from bad guys. Sounds familiar isn’t it? Well, that’s the expertise of Hollywood action flick directors like James Mangold by providing old wine but with few more concoctions in a new bottle.

Even with brainless storyline, the movie definitely entertains. James has tried his level best to improve the storyline with Cool dialogues (a must in Action comedy) with good comedy and some great stunts in some amazing locales. Believe me, you would love to use some of these memorable quotes in your daily life. Both Cruise and Cameron deliver these lines with great comfort. I couldnot stop laughing at some of the comic scenes, the best one being when Roy Miller (Tom Cruise) says that the pilots have been killed by him and flight will crash and June Havens (Cameron Diaz) starts laughing thinking it’s a joke. My favourite dialogue is when Diaz wakes up on an island and is confused to find herself dressed only in a bikini and Cruise tells her that he is trained to diffuse a bomb even without looking at it, but that doesnot mean that’s what he did.

And the action scene which will stay with me for a very long time is when Diaz moves from pillion seat onto Cruise’s lap on the moving bike.This superb scene aroused my fantasies for this chic (preferably on a moving bike). A date with a kick ass chic like this has just been added to my bucket list.
Though the level of chemistry between Cruise and Cameron is great, but they do not match to the level created by Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt in Mr and Mrs Smith.

I recommend this movie only to those females who like to watch a shirtless Tom Cruise and to all males who like to watch Cameron Diaz in a bikini. Personally I would love to watch a topless Cameron Diaz even if it is a Brainless Action Comedy like Knight and Day.

Think About It: If Mr and Mrs Smith is remade in Bollywood , will the oomph factor of Piggy chops / Katz match that of Angelina?

Raavan - Review

What do you think AB has been working really hard on lately...You are mistaken if you think it was his performance in Raavan...Woh tho sirf Aish kar raha tha...or simply put in english...."AB was doing Aish". This is evident in Ash's growing assets.

Directors in India have again started looking back at some of the great plots and sub plots offered in Indian Mythology…Thanks to Prakash Jha and Maniratnam.

Maniratnam has been successful in most of his previous attempts to retell the Indian Mythology in contemporary form. The plot was obvious, the only thing to look in the movie was the performances and this one let me down. AB does not live up to the standards of Mammotty (Duryodhana) and Rajnikanth (Karna) in Dalapathy. I am disappointed and this is a bad tribute to the ULTIMATE VILLAIN known to Indians.

A true villain is supposed to create fear in you, create respect for him for his intelligence and his cunning behaviour. Well this villain is bland...its like having curd rice when you want to taste a chilly chicken.

I will not dwell more on the plot or the sub plots which is obvious. Raavan kicks off directly with the kidnapping of Ragini (Ash). AB has failed miserably as Beera (Raavan). AB needs to take lessons from Manoj Bajpai (Bhiku Matre in RGV’s Satya portrayed a character who was eccentric, brilliant, cool etc). AB is misfit as Raavan. And the other misfit was Vikram .Vikram looks like a confused guy throughout the movie (I am sure he will do a great job as Raavan in the Tamil version).

Ash holds the movie together. The ethereal beauty looks stunning in every scene and has made good use and show of her assets and ofcourse her acting skills. Most of the movie is shot in some breath taking locales. All credit to Santosh Sivan. Rahman has given better scores earlier and this is not his best work.

Govinda as Hanuman, Nikhil as Lakshmana and Priyamani as Shoorpanakha do justice to their small roles. Ravi Kishen as AB’s brother steals the show with great comic timing.

I think Mani and AB should render an apology to Valmiki for making a mockery of the ULTIMATE VILLAIN's character.

Watch this movie only if you like to watch the most beautiful woman flaunting her assets in some great locales.

Think About It: Did you Know that Rama and Sita were the first couple to get a divorce?

Die Hard Series

How can the same person go through the same shit twice? Ask me, my boss gave me the same rating during appraisal as last year to fit me into the HR bell curve. The next day the guy who invented the HR bell curve was hanging upside down by the rope to the same bell curve. I had the opportunity to learn this art of kicking ass from John McClane. So do you.

1988 is a landmark year in which a movie directed by John McTiernan redefined the way action heroes and villains were perceived or action movies were made. The result was it made way for 3 more blockbuster sequels and millions of die hard “Die Hard” fans, me included. Everything in the first installment of the series falls in the right place and it’s no wonder it is regarded as the movie that catapulted Bruce Willis fame professionally and strengthened his relationship with the beauty Demi Moore. Die Hard series is the classic representation of the cult action movies, providing thrill a minute ride with witty one-liners and an adrenaline rush that will not agree to settle down till the credits start rolling on the screen.

Bruce as McClane is perfect and allows us to relate to him even when he is doing some humanly impossible stunts. McClane holds our attention when we hold our breaths watching him blow up a floor in the Nakatomi high rise in Die Hard 1 or blow up an aircraft in Die Hard 2: Die Harder or solve riddles in Die Hard3: Die Hard With Vengeance or toss his car into air to blowup a chopper in Die Hard 4.0: Live Free or Die Hard. I cannot imagine any other actor for this role.

Each time John decides to spend quality time with his wife Holly and their kids, things start going the wrong way. The one and the only thing not planned by the bad guys is their encounter with their worst nightmare called John McClane. And it’s a roller coaster ride with no loose ends and the fast pace keeps you engaged throughout the movie. Die Hard series redefines the villains in the action genre. All the antagonists have oozing charm and it’s a treat to watch the cunning Hans Gruber take hostage of the Nakatomi high rise in Die Hard 1 and well trained Col.Stuart take control of Washington DC airport in Die Hard 2: Die Harder and Simon Gruber trouble McClane with riddles in Die Hard 3: Die Hard with Vengeance and Thomas Gabriel the hacking wizard in Die Hard 4: Live Free, Die Hard.

Each sequel gives you a chance to enjoy watching John McClane go through same shit again and again. It’s a pleasure to watch the Wrong person at the wrong place at the wrong time. I wish that he lands up in the wrong place at the wrong time again.

Each installment of the series is motion picture poetry filled with intelligence, fast paced top-notch action with witty-one liners and definitely a great watch for any occasion. Die Hard series is the best thing to happen to a movie buff since Lumiere brothers. I consider Die Hard series as one of the best action movies ever made. The movie keeps you engaged throughout and makes you a part of the story. At the end of the movie you would be so full of energy and wit that you will be ready to take on any jerk who comes your way. That's what all action movies are supposed to do, and Die Hard does it the best.

Chilled beer and tacos taste the best with a Die Hard flick. So burp in joy and say“Yippie-kai-yay”.

Think About It: Have you ever wondered to what genre do most Hindi movies fit in? It’s called “The Nonsense genre” with MNIK and KANK leading the pack.

Its Complicated

Is Love bound by age? The only love stories we ever hear are about young people in their 20’s and sometimes 30’s. Maybe Love really gets complicated with age.

Jane (Meryl Streep) and Jake (Alec Baldwin) are in their 50’s and have 3 grown up kids. Jane and Jake are divorced for last 10 years after a marriage for 19 years. Jake is now married to Agnes. Agnes and Jake are trying to have a baby. Adam (Steve Martin) is also divorced and is in love with Jane. Jane also falls in love with Adam. But Jake has been sleeping with Jane, which makes Jane the “Other woman” or the “B!tch”. Jane’s eldest daughter’s fiancée knows about the “affair”, but is not in a position to tell anyone. Damn It’s Complicated.

Nancy Meyers narrates a story about complications in a very simple but unique style. The script is tight with some great humorous moments which will bring the house down. The punch lines have been well drafted and very well delivered. It is always exciting to watch young people with well sculpted bodies on the screen, but it was more fun to watch people twice their age having all the “fun”. The chemistry between Meryl and Alec is perfect and what every lead character would love to have.

Acting by all the lead characters is impeccable. It is a delight to watch what fine actors can do with a superb script. It’s a treat to watch them deliver the laughs with ease. Meryl Streep looks ravishing even today and shines as Jane. Alec Baldwin’s comic timing is bang on. Steve Martin dons the role of a serious character with the same ease as of his previous comic characters.

This one is a relief to all movie buffs after watching some real duds like Teen Patti and KCK released last week. The story is complicated for the characters, but it is definitely a great time for us. Watch this movie and you would agree with me.

Think About It: Have you ever wondered what is the one and only reason for divorce in this whole world? It is an institution called “Marriage”. No Marriage, No Divorce.

Up in the air- Review

Michael Jordan plays ball. Charles Manson kills people. Jay Leno talks. And Jason Reitman makes intelligent movies.

After giving us movies like “Thank You for Smoking” and “Juno”, 32 year old Jason Reitman has crafted another Masterpiece “Up in the Air”.

George Clooney (Ryan Bingham) makes a living by flying across America for 320 days in a year firing employees for companies that don’t have the courage to do it themselves. Trust me-Americans are crazy, they take outsourcing very seriously. During recession, companies which specialize in “Firing” employees thrive. This is the perfect example for disguised unemployment.

The goal in Clooney’s life is to be free from all types of commitment and be the 7th person to achieve 10 million frequent flyer miles (btw moon is just 250,000 miles away from earth). All he needs to do is travel across the country and fire people. He is an expert in adding human touch to the firing process and also gets into a “casual relationship” with another frequent flyer Vera Farmiga (Alex). His dreams are shattered and he is grounded when newbie Anna Kendrick (Natalie Keener) introduces online firing process, which reduces the total travel cost by 85%. To prove her wrong, Clooney has to travel with Anna to introduce her to his line of work. The result is a funny and a satirical journey across the landscape of Miami, Vegas, Omaha and California into the lives of the 3 protagonists. Believe you me; Aerial view of America is stunning.

With the unemployment rate hitting the roof in US, the timing could not be more perfect for the release of the movie. Up in the Air is a reality check of the current times. Many of us would surely relate to the characters and the story. Jason Reitman does an incredible job of bringing in the satire and the funny moments to keep you engaged throughout the movie. Though the first half is fast paced with lots of funny moments, second half is slow and satirical at its best. It is a priceless moment when Anna’s (brainchild behind online firing) is dumped by her boyfriend through a text message.

Vera Farmiga’s performance is very seductive (Experience gained from “The Departed” has definitely worked in her favour). Anna plays her part to the perfection and doesnot give you the idea that she is a supporting character in the plot. But the movie belongs completely to Clooney. He plays the role of the “Terminator” and as a Trainer motivating people to stay away from commitment with lots of ease. Clooney’s flawless performance and Reitman's wonderful screenplay provide an intelligent satirical comedy and a laughter riot. If you don't laugh out loud, your sense of humor has become a casualty of nonsensical Hindi movies. If the movie doesnot gain mainstream appeal because of its intelligence level, it would be because MNIK is still running at the theaters.

I am yet to recover from the hangover of stupendous performances, great direction and a crisp script. If I had the power to fire people, 2 of them top my list, Product Head (in a finance company) who is clueless about preparing a Business Plan and a Risk Manager (in a Bank) who is a “Liability” to the Retail loan portfolio, but is surviving because of her “Wholesome Assets” (These are real people and are making more money than I do)

I am happy I still have my job and can afford to watch the movie again. I recommend this movie to all salaried professionals. Try and watch this with your boss, its definitely worth the effort.

I am back - James Cameron

If you give $ 400 million to Tiger Woods…You know what happens to that money…and the only guy to be entertained will be Tiger Woods (He has an awesome taste by the way).

Give the same $ 400 million to James Cameron and he churns out an exciting cinema experience called “Avatar” and says “The Movie Making Master is back”.

Avatar is officially budgeted at $237 million to produce and an estimated $150 million for marketing. The film is a breakthrough in filmmaking technology, for its development of 3D viewing and stereoscopic filmmaking with 3D fusion cameras that were specially designed for the film's production. This is a film to be experienced with a great sound system, in 3D and you will realize that the movie-making master is BACK after 12 years of hiding from Hollywood.

I suppose most of you have watched Cameron's previous works - Aliens, Terminator 1 & 2, The Abyss, Titanic just to name a few. So what should you expect from Avatar??? MORE of the same! More of revolutionary film-making, more of never-before-seen special effects and more of James Cameron the genius...

Attention to detail is superb. You will practically not notice that you are watching a non-existing world called “Pandora”. Let Pandora become your real world for two and a half hours, let it make you completely forget about your life and problems, let it entertain you.

The only problem with movie is a lack of original story. But what you see on the screen will blow you away. Let’s not complain, this is the era where originality is rare, but if you need a proper dose of cinema experience and action….here’s you chance

Think About it: What if James had made Titanic in 3D format? It would have been a treat to watch Kate in 3D format…What say?

Sherlock Holmes-Review

After watching “Snatch”, “Lock Stock and 2 smoking barrels” and “Rock ‘n Rolla”, I had great expectation from Guy Ritchie’s latest flick “Sherlock Holmes”, but I was left disappointed.

Maybe I had a lot of expectations because it was Guy Ritchie and Sherlock Holmes. Ritchie’s narration of the story has always been multilayered with superb twists to the tale…but this movie was not worthy of the world’s greatest detective. I wanted a great crime mystery to be solved by the detective and his Dr friend, but all I got was too much of the gangs of London and too little of the detective’s brainwork.

The action sequences have Ritchie’s trademark imprinted on them. A lot of effort has gone in to create the Old London and the London Bridge. Wish he had concentrated more on the story.

My suggestion: Watch “Sleepy Hollow” it’s a better crime mystery movie or read a Conan Doyle original.

Think About it: Mistakes happen by all the directors. The guy who made “Company” and “Satya”, the finest movies in Indian Cinema has also made the worst movie in Indian Cinema -“Ramgopal Varma ki AAG”. Guy Ritchie- we will wait for your trademark gangsta movies.

3 Idiots

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle surely would be a proud man as his 2 fictional characters have been brought back to life by Guy Ritchie in his latest flick “Sherlock Holmes” and to inform you all Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s name does not appear in any of its promos and I doubt he has any problems with that unlike Chutan Bhagat (Yes, you are reading it right).

First he introduced – “Jadoo ki jhappi”, then” Gandhigiri” and as expected “All izz well” this time, the latest catchy phrase by supremely talented Raju Hirani. He has proved himself twice in the past and he proves it for the third time with 3 Idiots. It would be a disaster if the content is not upto the expectation for an over-hyped movie like 3 idiots .Believe me the movie lives up to the hype and is a great work of entertainment, but personally I feel that Munnabhai MBBS has been Raju Hirani’s best work.

Thank God the script was improvised, else it would have been a dud like “Hello” (movie was based on the Chetan Bhagat‘s novel One Night @ The Call-center with complete script adapted from the novel). Raju Hirani’s trademark can be seen in every scene. He narrates a story that each one of us can relate to.

Two friends embark on a quest for a lost friend. As they make their way through the picture perfect landscape of Ladakh, Shimla and Manali another journey begins: their journey through memory lane and the story of their friend - the free-thinker Rancho who touched and changed their lives. The first half breezes by effortlessly as Hirani balances the rough and smooth incidents in their lives beautifully. The sequences in the hostel, right from the ragging sequence, to the speech when the word 'chamatkaar' is changed to 'balatkaar' and “dhan is changed to “sthan” are superb and the funny moments will bring the house down

The pace dips in the second half. The delivery sequence of Mona on a ping pong table is very filmy, but the culmination to the film is a master stroke by Raju.

3 idiots works because of magnificient screenplay by Hirani and Joshi. Cinematography is awesome. The aerial view of picture perfect Ladakh, Shimla and Manali will blow you away. The music is perfect and “All izz well“ will grow on you. Aamir, perfect as always, is great to watch. Madhavan and Sharman do an outstanding job from start to end. Boman Irani’s appearance, mannerisms and dialogue delivery are exemplary. Kareena makes her presence felt despite the small role, wish we got to see more of her.

All I have to say to Raju Hirani is “Jahapanah Tussi Great Ho, Taufa Kubul Karo”

It’s a great feeling to watch a movie during office hours (Trust me it’s worth it and I suggest all of you try it atleast once). With 3 idiots the feeling is “All Izz Well Chachu”.
And if you still decide not to watch the movie – You are the biggest Idiot I have come across.

Think About It: Who were the real Idiots when Chetan was fighting with VV Chopra? Ofcourse it was the media and us. He is laughing his way to the bank. He got free publicity for his book.

Ishqiya - An amazing journey

“Kaamyaabi ki peeche mat bhaago, Excellence ke peeche bhaago, success jhak maar kar apne aap peeche bhaagegi!”
- Baba Ranchoddas Shyamaldas Chanchad a.k.a Phunksukh Wangdu

Debutante director Abhishek Chaubey has followed it to the last word. This is evidenced by the script, dialogues and music by Vishal Bharadwaj, lyrics by Gulzar Sahib and remarkable performances by Naseruddin Shah, Arshad and the mystery woman Vidya Balan. One can be assured that there is a clear influence of Vishal’s (Abhishek’s mentor) style of narrating the story, always ready to bend the way hindi movies are perceived and presented.

Khalujan (Naseruddin) and Babban (Arshad) are on the run for stealing money from Mushtaq (Naseeruddin’s Jiju). They meet Krishna (Vidya Balan) at Gorakhpur and a new roller coaster ride begins through the rural landscape with twists in the tale around every corner and even the traveler Abu Abdullah Muhammad Ibn Abdullah Al Lawati Al Tanji Ibn Battuta or simply Ibn Battuta would surely agree that it is a great journey.

Abhishek never lets you feel that a debutante director is narrating this twisted tale of love. The rugged look and the bad mouth of Naseeruddin and Arshad makes you like them more. The first half is fast paced and dialogues are superb. The liplock scene between Arshad and Vidya surely sends the temperature soaring and I must admit this has been the best liplock scene I have seen in Indian movie. The story slows down in the latter half and I felt in the climax with too many plots is confusing. But let me not complain as the 2 hours journey was exciting.

Living legend Naseruddin is great as ever. Arshad’s delivers superb performance through his dialogue delivery and appearance. But the movie completely belongs to Vidya. She gets out of her comfort zone playing the good girl in all her previous flicks and dons the bad girl image with great amount of comfort. I just hope this talented actor gets more work and we get to see more of her. She looks stunning in a saree and I can’t hold myself back but say here “Saree is like statistics. What it reveals is suggestive, but what it conceals is vital” ….and so is Vidya Balan’s acting skills…..there is more to come.

VB and Gulzar Sahib create magic once again. After hits like “Beedi Jalaile” and “Dhan te na” the DJs will be all out to play “Ibn-e-batuta”. But my pick is “Dil to Bachcha Hai”.

Ishqiya is for those who enjoy of quality movies, definitely not for those who are hungry only for nonsensical masala flicks.

Think About it: What if KJ or Yash Chopra were the mentors for Abhishek Chaubey? Ishqiya would have been nonsensical, artificial candy floss love stories like KANK, KHNH, K3G, Mohabatein set in New York or Switzerland. What a cr@p it would have been.

Rann-Review

BREAKING NEWS: Ramu ne news channels ki vaat laga di Mamu

All News channels including NDTV and CNN IBN plotted to destroy RGV’s reputation on 30th Nov ’08 (4 days post 26/11) for visiting Taj hotel with Riteish and his dad. They will not be spared for this attempt as they forgot to read the Statutory Warning mentioned at “The Factory” -“Mujhe jo sahi lagta hai, main wahi karta hoon”.

After a long time Ramu moves away from Mumbai’s underworld and narrates a story of white collar criminals based out of Delhi. It is a simple story of good journalism v/s masala journalism with Ramu’s master technical touch evident in every scene, be it the haunting music or the close-up camera angles, which makes the story more interesting. The characters are loosely based on NDTV’s Pranay Roy (AB) and his ex-employee CNN IBN’s Rajdeep Sardesai (Mohnish Bahl) and their dark secrets. The first half is slow taking time to establish the characters. Post interval the setting picks the speed as the plot thickens. The monologue in the climax for nearly 10 minutes by AB given in a single take is commendable. An undercurrent tension maintained throughout makes Rann a gripping watch.

The script fails in some divisions which is aptly compensated by stupendous performances by Big B and Paresh Rawal. But it is Sudeep who stands tall among these great actors and steals the show along with Mohnish Bahl. Both of them bite well into the meaty role offered. Riteish, Rajat Kapoor and Rajpal Yadav do justice to their roles.

Revenge is sweet, Truth is bitter and the hunter has been hunted. News Channels for once have been exposed and they have been whining about the way media has been presented in the movie. C’mon –All is fair in love and war. You guys slapped his reputation, and now he slaps yours.

I have to admit that this is not the best work of the video library owner turned director (one of my favorite), but still Rann is worth a watch and surely provides a lesson or two on taking vengeance.

No glamour, no over the board emotions, no jhatkas, no matkas, just pure serious cinema and definitely worth a watch.

3 of India’s best directors created a cult movie “Satya” (RGV, Anurag Kashyap and Vishal Bharadwaj). What if Sarkar and Omkara met on a Black Friday? :Think about it.

MNIK-Review

The controversy between Balasaheb and SRK is just an eye-wash. Actual conversation and controversy between Balasaheb and KJ was:

Balasaheb: This story was written by me- “Mazha Naav Kamble ahey”, Story of an Ordinary man and his Ordinary Journey (one-way from Thane to CST for 2.5 hours) and you have copied it.
Karan Johar: Sorry Sir, But I have tried to take your story to the whole world with some changes.
Balasaheb: With “Some changes”, the title is not in “Marathi” and “Khans” are nowhere close to being a “Manoos”… …Kamble has become Khan and Kalina has become California….its an insult to Marathi Manoos…I will not allow its release till you change the title to “Mazha Naav Kamble ahey”,
Karan Johar: But sir, distribution rights for rest of India is with Smita Thackerey.
Balasaheb: Then I will allow screening only in rest of India and not in Bombay….oops Mumbai
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Finally after these many years, Shahrukh and KJ realized that Shahrukh’s name is “Khan” and not “Rahul”.

KJ said in an interview with Pranay Roy that he got bored of the huge sets and larger than life characters while shooting for KANK and hence he decided to make a ”different” movie called “My Name is Khan”. But nothing has changed, he was bored then and I am bored now (after watching the movie). It is the same KJ with only one difference, no huge sets and no disco number. Only time I laughed was when Shahrukh mentions about the book “Intercourse guide for Dumbos”

Over the board emotions is a thing of past. But who listens, definitely not Shibani Bathija and KJ. After scripting for candy floss movies like KANK and Fanaa, this one’s no different. I think diseases as a subject to attract attention and sympathy through a movie must be the in thing (Eg:Paa). Khan suffers from Autism and but he is no match to Dustin Hoffman’s acting in “Rainman” or Tom Hanks in “Forrest Gump”. The story has got nothing to do with terrorism or muslim community…."Its just about loving Shahrukh Khan”.

Maybe it was easy for the director to find a good look alike of George Bush but not of Barack Obama for the movie because fools are easy to find than geniuses, just like finding an idiot who loves movies like “MNIK” is easy and not a real movie buff.

Music is fine. Tere Naina is good and I just hoped Kajol did not wear designer eye lens for this song.

Even after producing some good movies like” Wake up Sid”, KJ is yet to wake up. This movie is definitely not worth watching on Big Screen. But I am sure this will be a big hit as most movie goers and almost all the females in India just love unrealistic emotions and unrealistic characters.

Think About It: What would Balasaheb and Uddhav do when the movie is premiered on cable in another few months? Will they attack Sony / Colors channel?

For the record-My name is Chikku-Movie buff

KCK Review - Wrong number dialed

’Galat cheez banaya hain telephone, udhar se aadmi sochta kuchh hain, bolta kuchh hain..aur karta kuchh hain’
-Vijay Dinanath Chauhan (Pura naam)

A mysterious caller who calls himself Karthik helps Karthik (Farhan) to woo Shonali (Deepika), impress his boss and hit back at his house owner. Farhan enjoys his new life and promises to maintain the mysterious caller’s identity as his best kept secret. The worst vice is advice and more so when it is taken from the female partner. To take their relationship forward Karthik is forced (advised) by Shonali to reveal all his secrets (all men fall for this trap) and that’s the beginning of the end of Karthik’s fun life.

A svelte chic and a talented actor were let down by an unconvincing slow paced storyline by debutante director Vijay Lalwani. First half has lighter moments and is fun to watch Farhan romancing Deepika. Second half starts with a promising note but the grip and tension is lost and ends up being a slow paced drama than a thriller. I could unravel the mystery in the very first 20 minutes of the movie. The only thing I enjoyed was to watch the svelte figure and long legs of Deepika, she is a treat to your eyes. Apart from this there is never a moment which enthralls you.

Two movies with two mysterious callers in two days. Both are not worth your collection but this one is a better bet than Teen Patti and you can watch this on your cable instead of the movie hall. In the meanwhile borrow “Primal Fear” or “Usual Suspects” from you video library to enjoy a real thriller.

Teen Patti-Wrong Cards dealt

Last month I proposed to a very beautiful girl I have known from some time now. I asked her about the chances of me and her ending up together. She said “The chances are not that good. The chance of it working is more like One out of a Million”. And I am super excited coz it means I still have a chance.

That’s Probability for you.

The probability of 2 ladies making a thriller and hitting the right chord is also One out of a million (all female readers- if you refute this, name a good thriller directed by a female). Both Leena Yadav (Director) and Ambika Hinduja (Producer) should have realized it by now that they should just stick to chic flicks and give competition to their female counter-part called Karan Johar. Leena Yadav has been saying in her defense that Teen Patti is not a rip off of the Hollywood movie “21”. Of course it is not a rip-off but it is a very bad rip-off.

First half is filled with algebraic equations floating on the screen. Second half is really not worth mentioning except for the Mexican babe’s item number – Neeyat Kharaab hai. Venkat Subramaniam (AB), a mathematics genius, and Ben Kingsley meet in London to discuss AB’s research paper on Probability. Earlier in India, AB’s research paper on probability theory is rejected and he decides to use it on the card game “Flush” or “Teen Patti” with the help of his students and his lecturer friend (Madhavan). Money starts flowing in till they are blackmailed by a mysterious phone call. This is where Leena falters and makes a hotchpotch of what could have been a great thriller. I wish that the call was from “Karthik” from Screen No.2. It would have been a much better plot.

Big names like Big B and Bald B (Ben Kingsley) alone cannot sell the movie. 90% of the job was already done if the original script had been retained. At the end of the movie all I could say was “What cr@p was that?”

I have a suggestion to the director. Just follow these simple steps while copying a thriller:

Step 1: Stick to the original script.
Step 2: Strictly no philosophy lessons to be included.
Step 3: Bad guys always win in the end.
Step 4: If you cannot follow the above 3 steps, then start taking coaching classes from Sanjay Gupta (Maker of Kaante, Zinda and Musafir copied from Reservior Dogs, Oldboy and U turn).

Teen Patti is definitely not worth watching on big screen or even on the small screen. If you still want to watch the movie, pay only for first half of the movie. The probability of movie halls coming up with scheme is very high.

Think about it: Have you wondered why it’s always a South Indian who is a mathematics genius in all Hindi movies? That’s because in West, MNS and ShivSainiks can count only Yadavs and Khans, in North maths is restricted to counting number of Mayawati’s statues and in East counting doesn’t even exist (MNS would count them anyway).

The Departed - Review

It will not be an overstatement if I say that this is the most gripping, most intelligent and entertaining movie I have ever seen.

Every character is perfect and each performance is better than the next. Matt Damon has come a long way from “Goodwill Hunting” to ”Talented Mr.Ripley’” to “Bourne series” and provides a tremendous performance as the “bad guy” between the cops. Living legend Jack Nicholson steals every scene he is in and creates another classic role to add to his matchless resume. The biggest surprise comes from Leonardo DeCaprio’s performance. And if this was not enough, you have other legends like Alec Baldwin, Martin Sheen, and Mark Wahlberg.

The background music is excellent. The plot builds to such dynamic proportions rarely seen on film which only Martin Scorsese can create. Here’s your chance to experience storytelling so clever and transcendent that it changes the way you view cinema. If you're a Scorsese fan, you will appreciate this film. If you are not his fan yet…I am sure you will become one after watching this thriller.

Don’t miss this movie on Warner Bros (WB) channel. I recommend this movie to all who have seen this earlier and even to others who are yet to experience this spectacular thriller. Trust me, you are in for a treat.

Think about it : What if Robert DeNiro also had been cast in the movie who gave spectacular performances in Scorsese’s previous masterpieces “Taxi Driver”, “Raging Bull” and “Goodfellas”?