Dabangg - Abhi tak sabko nahlaya hai, ab sabko dhounga

Mera Khandaan (Khan’s family) has better Dabangg (fearless and has good deal of control over the other powerful people) and can give much better hits than any other person with his name as “Khan” and his “Family”.

Abhinav Kashyap brother of ace director/script writer Anurag Kashyap has tried (note the word tried) to bring in the nostalgia of movies of 70’s with a story of 2 brothers who part ways and how they unite in the end to beat up the bad guys. Most people are referring to this movie as a movie for Mass audience. I don’t agree with them, as it is meant for “selected target audience” and is a “class apart”, it should rightfully be on top of the list of movies for Class audience.

Salman Khan uruf Chulbul Pandey uruf Robinhood Pandey has bad childhood memories of being ill treated by his step father (Vinod Khanna uruf Pandeyji) and step brother (Arbaaz Khan uruf Makhee Pandey). He grows to become a corrupt cop who loots the people who loot. He falls in love with Sonakshi Sinha uruf Rajjo, daughter of Mahesh Manjrekar uruf Rajjo’s papa. Sonu Sood uruf Chedi Singh along with Om puri uruf Inspector Kasturi Lal wants to take revenge on Chulbul Pandey for looting their loot. In the meanwhile Makhee Pandey is in love with Mahie Gill uruf Nirmala, daughter of Masterji uruf Tinu Anand. Chulbul’s mother uruf Dimple Kapadia dies and Chulbul is thrown out of the house by Pandeyji. Chedi Singh takes advantage of the opportunity to create more misunderstandings between Chulbul and Makhee. And in the end Chulbul and Makhee join hands to fight against Chedi Singh.

Now that’s a very stupid story by Dilip Shukla and Abhinav Kashyap. Without any controversies like other movies (Chutan Bhagat v/s V V Chopra or SRK v/s US Airport Cops) the movie has created a record of raking 14.5 crores in India alone (highest in Hindi movie industy) on the first day and 49 crores in the opening weekend in India alone (again highest in Hindi movie industy) mainly because of the great marketing effort of the total package the movie offers (Watch the trailer to get the awe feeling). The story is not set in Mumbai or Newyork (Hope RGV and KJ are listening).Music by Sajid-Wajid is great. Tere Mast Mast Do Nain byRahat Fateh Ali Khan is sweet to your ears and Munni Badnaam Hui and Peeni Hai are good dance numbers. Few scenes of Dubai work wonders for the movie in the middle east. But the main credit for the success goes to the Cheesy dialogues like “Chedi Singh hum tum me itne ched karunga ki tu conphuzz ho jaoge ki saas kaha se le aur pade kaha se”.

Along with the Cheesy dialogues, some of the scenes are out of the world. The introductory scene of Salman gives every Bachchan, Kapoor, Khan and Khanna a run for their money when he says “Abhi tak sabko nahlaya hai, ab sabko dhounga”. Every scene is like an Ad for Rayban with almost everyone in the movie sporting Rayban Shades. I couldn’t stop laughing listening to Arbaaz’s plan to rob Salman’s money and how he proposes to return it later or when the constables crack jokes to make Sonakshi laugh (watch the scenes to believe it). The action scenes have been shot with great expertise supported by good fast and slow motion editing. And Western Cowboy music gel well with the action scenes set in UP village. Salman even does a Matrix style stunt in one of the action sequences. The whistling in the movie hall did not stop when Malaika scorched the screen with her jhatkas, matkas and her pelvic thrusts in Munni Badnaam Hui. You will not be able to take your eyes off her when she swings to the words“Mein Zandu Balm hui darling tere liye”. I would love her to be my Zandu Balm anyday. And I am sure you will fall in love with this sexy siren just like I have. And the greatest achievement by the director was to make me laugh even during tragic scenes like the protagonists parents death.

Salman carries the whole movie on his shoulders. He delivers the Cheesy dialogues with great comfort in UP ishtyle and his histrionics definitely a serious competition to Rajni Saar. (Watch Salman play with his Rayban glasses and fixing them to his shirt collar at the back of his neck). Arbaaz looks as expressionless as he is in real life. Script never allowed debutant Sonakshi to display her “well endowed talent”. Sonu Sood spends most time showing off his six pack abs and his acting is not worth mentioning. Movie also has actors like Om Puri, Vinod Khanna, Dimple, Mahesh Manjrekar, Anupam Kher and Mahie Gill whose part closes even before they can start acting. But the Actor who steals the show is the Mind Reading Shirt. This Shirt appears on Chulbul Pandey’s body in the final action scene. Just as the audience is left wondering that Salman never stripped in the whole movie, the Shirt reads their minds and tears itself into pieces allowing Salman to show off his signature style, Topless. Thanks to the amazing script, there was no Mind reading pant.

Sallu Bhai rocks, Malaika sizzles, and dialogues make you ROFL. Wish we could see more of Sonakshi. Nevertheless leave your brains at home and watch this for a good laugh and to de-stress. This is a better bet than any of KJ’s movies.

THINK ABOUT IT: The movie would have created a bigger history if the Mind Reading Dress was on Sonakshi’s body. Hope the rest of the audience agrees with me.

We Are Family - Nonsense

America has survived for a long time only on 2 beliefs….Santa Claus is Real and Elvis Presley is still Alive. Obama knew that 9/3 is going to be more disastrous than 9/11 and ordered that all the troops in Iraq to return to US with immediate effect few days ago to manage the domestic violence which would erupt when the people in US realize that Elvis Presley is dead. Siddharth Malhotra and Karan Johar’s “Family” have successfully convinced the world that Elvis Presley is Dead by replacing him with thunder thigh queen Kajol, Size Zero Kareena and Expressionless Rampal in the Jailhouse Rock number. A big catastrophe has struck US and its just the beginning of the end of US. KJ had been planning this attack for a long time now. Now he has avenged his “Close” friend Khan’s (who by the way realized that his name was Khan just a few months ago) humiliation by Americans. This has been the biggest attack on USA post 9/11. 9/11 will be long forgotten and will be replaced by 9/3 for all references.

Just when you thought KJ as a producer has started making sensible movies with “Wake up Sid”, KJ goes back to his old style of trying to name his movies with the selected alphabets which now happens to be “W”. But in the whole process he forgot that the Sid who is yet to WAKE UP is the director of this disaster movie called “We are Family”.

I will keep the review simple….WATCH THE ORIGINAL(the emotions are more real) and don’t waste your money on this nonsense. And if you need reasons for this, I have plenty to substantiate this:

Kareena as an actor has come a long way…but she definitely is no match for Julia Roberts
Kajol makes a comeback but she aint Susan Sarandon either
Sid is still sleeping and needs to wake up to reality
And the main reason….its a story of KJ’s Family and their nonsensical emotions

THINK ABOUT IT: KJ is planning his next attack on US coming December with his next venture called “KRISTMAS” and Santa Claus will be long gone.

The Expendables - ITS BOOM, BOOM and more BOOM

Inflation is peaking across the globe….Living Legend Sylvester Gardenzio Stallone is in complete denial and is ready to prove it. He says you’ll not only get more for the same 100 rupee Gandhi note but you will get the best in the industry.

If you need one good reason to watch this movie….Sly says “I will give you 11 and if one Rambo ain’t enough…make way for gang of Rambos.”

Sylvester Stallone…..Age – 64, I am your worst nightmare, push me hard and you'll get war.
Jason Statham…..Age – 38, Rule # 1, Fasten your seat belts and never change the deal.
Jet Li…..Age – 47, Here's the deal, Meatball. You let me go, I LET YOU LIVE.
Dolph Lundgren…..Age- 53, I gave you an order soldier, now let me see you waste that gook traitor
Terry Crews….Age – 42, I'll be praying for the families of your victims.
Randy Couture…..Age – 47, If you're looking for a whoopin', you've come to the right place.
Mickey Rourke….Age – 58, I don't hear you giving me any name, jerk. Guess when I shot you in the belly, I aimed a little too high.
Bruce Willis...Age – 55, yippie kay yay
Arnold Schwarzenegger....Age – 63, I’ll be back
Steve Austin....Age – 46, You know, I don't know who you are, and I don't care.
Eric Roberts….Age – 54, You think you know me? hah! You think you know me?

People like Sly just don’t give up…do they? They are ridiculously crazy and we like them that way. When SRK and Aamir (both in 40’s) are working towards 6 and 8 pack abs only to show off in some stupid songs like Dard-e-disco and Guzaarish, Sly Stallone is all set to rediscover himself at the age of 64 as the Ultimate Action Hero of all times even after gaining worldwide fame with smash hits like Rocky series (started in 1976) and Rambo series (started in 1982). This is the ultimate tribute to the Action heroes with an average age of above 50 in the crew. Even at the RIPE age all of them I should say are RAW.

The story has absolutely nothing to offer though the movie starts off on a very promising note. Story in short, a highly trained mercenary group called “The Expendables” is sent on a mission to an Island to fight against the dictator and the druglord. As the storyline is very familiar, ignore the story and concentrate on what Sly has lined up. The usp of the movie is the nostalgia it creates w.r.t. the who’s who of the 80’s and 90’s action movies. It is a very difficult task to give screen space to all the legends and build on their characters. Only Sly and Statham get more screen space, but nevertheless Sly has managed to do a good job.

This is not the best action movie I have seen, but the old school heavy duty fight sequences and vehicles flying while bodies are being torn apart and cool dialogues delivered with bullets flying during gun fights, and legends kicking ass as well getting their ass kicked was worth my money. I have grown watching these legends kick ass on the big screen and the best scene any action movie buff can ask for is to see Sly, Bruce Willis and Arnold together on the screen. Though Bruce and Arnold had only a cameo role, the scene was worth it with Sly making fun of Arnold for trying for the post of President. My favourite scene is when Sly runs on a bridge and then jumps on to hold on to the flying plane in the first half. The second half is filled with an ass kicking team who wreak havoc with a ton load of explosives on anyone who stands in their way. Its just boom, boom and more boom.

Sly Stallone, in his mid 60’s has produced, co-scripted and directed the movie apart from doing most of the stunts on his own, he ain’t a faint hearted chicken like Abhishek Bachchan who tried to take credit away from his body double for his jump into the river from the cliff claiming the stunt as his own in Raavan. Sly reminds all of us that he is still capable of making engrossing action movies. Bollywood offers only one genre – “Masala genre” (Romance, comedy, action, suspense etc…all in One), hence the whole movie industry was invited as Farah and SRK themselves were confused about the genre of their movie Om Shanti Om.

Kids, faint hearted chickens, KJ and SRK fans stay back and watch MNIK…. Expendables is a GUY THING….Watch it for an adrenaline overdose seeing the Action legends, the movie industry has ever got to offer, together. And in the end you’ll surely say “Thank You Rocky”

THINK ABOUT IT: If the movie had also lined up Halle Berry, Sharon Stone, Kate Winslet, Madonna, Cindy Crawford, Charlize Theron, Demi Moore, Cameron Diaz, Monica Belluci and Angelina, I suppose the movie would have been called “Cherry Blossom”.

Primal Fear

You are not one but three - The one you think you are, the one others think you are and the one you really are.

-Satyanarayana Raju
Based on William Diehl’s novel, Gregory Hoblit has provided the movie watching fraternity one of the best psychological thrillers. He succeeds in holding onto the suspense till the last second and the ending will blow you away.

Movie starts off with Aaron Stampler (Edward Norton) being arrested for the gruesome murder of archbishop along with the murder weapon. A never beaten attorney Martin Vail (Richard Gere) takes up the case to defend Aaron, an innocent altar boy who stutters. With all the evidences against Aaron, Vail fails to convince the jury that Stampler and his girlfriend were the victims in the situation as they were sexually abused by the archbishop. As the trial progresses, Vail is shocked to discover the soft spoken Aaron transforming into a violent personality calling himself as Roy, who admits to have committed the crime. Aaron reveals that he has no memory of the happenings when he is Roy. Hoblit has put in immense efforts in the very real and convincing scenes where Aaron transforms himself to Roy. Vail creates a situation for the prosecutor Janet Venable (Laura Linney) to provoke Aaron so that he transforms himself to Roy in the court and the Jury is convinced that Aaron is suffering from Multiple personality disorder and he be sent to a mental hospital and not jail.

As the final scene rolls, Vail meets Aaron and the suspense is revealed which will blow you away. You have to be seated till the end of the movie and once the suspense is revealed in the last minute of the movie, I can picture you guys in shock and awe with your jaws dropped and thinking about the whole story again as it has done to the audience for the past 14 years since 1996.

Richard Gere and Laura Linney complement each other and do a commendable job as ex-lovers and as defense attorney and prosecutor. But the movie belongs completely to Edward Norton. Norton’s career was launched and it rocketed sky high with his stupendous performance as the innocent Aaron and violent Roy. He won 8 awards for this role out of 12 major nominations in 1996 and Hollywood got itself a new villain.

This movie is worth your collection and recommended for all occasions.

THINK ABOUT IT: Deewangee (Ajay Devgn, Urmila and Akshay Khanna) is a very bad copy of Primal Fear. The suspense is revealed in the first half of the movie itself (what a shame) so that they could incorporate some song sequences in the movie. When will these Hindi Movie directors who copy movies from Hollywood ever learn the art of story telling?

SALT - Tastes Bland

Watan ka khaaya NAMAK toh NAMAK HALAL bano
- Arjun Singh walad Bhim Singh walad Dashrath Singh

Phillip Noyce delivers yet another Spy Thriller after some of his successful spy thrillers like Patriot Games, Clear and Present Danger, The Bone Collector, The Saint. Though the director has incorporated good twists and turns to the plot, the storyline is very familiar and audience familiar to spy thriller genre will not be thrilled. By replacing Tom Cruise (who dropped out quoting that he had already done movies with this kind of storyline) with a hottie like Angelina Jolie, I was expecting some “thrilling scenes” like his previous movie “Sliver” starring Sharon Stone. But the food tasted bland even with so much of SALT.

The movie kicks off on a promising note with Evelyn Salt (Angelina Jolie), a CIA agent being framed as a Russian Spy. Then as she is on the run, the story keeps you guessing whether Salt is a Russian spy or a CIA agent. The pace of the movie gets very slow and in the end it’s a no brainer to answer the question – “Who is Salt?”. Moving away from Computer Graphics, Angelina has done all the stunts on her own including jumping from a flyover onto a speeding truck and then onto a speeding tank and then jumping onto the road to speed away on a bike or jump from a moving train without getting injured. This was the only thrilling moment in the movie. The movie ends with Jolie escaping from CIA suggesting a sequel to the movie. Familiar plot and slow pace of the story and very few commendable action sequences does not qualify SALT to be compared to Bond, Mission Impossible or the Bourne series.

Watch it only if you like to watch Angelina Jolie kick some ass. If you are a big fan of her svelte figure, I suggest you watch her other thrillers like “Taking Lives”, “Original Sin” or wait for the 2010 release “The Tourist” (with Johnny Depp)

Think About It: Is a Cool Chic Hot or a Hot Chic Cool?

Inception - What an Idea Sirjee

If you THINK what you are THINKING is what You are THINKING, I strongly THINK that you should THINK again

First it was “Matrix” to adopt concepts from Bhagvad Gita, then it was “Avatar” on the concept of body, soul and re-birth. And now it’s the concepts from the Hindu Philosophy of Mind, Sub-Conscious Mind and Dreams which makes us what we are.

Christopher Nolan and his obsession on concepts of MIND and beyond are evident in all his previous works. If Memento was about the thought process and actions of a man with Short-term memory loss (just to remind you all that Ghajini is a very bad adaptation of Memento – the soul of the story is lost due to the romance angle), Dark Knight was about the darker side of a super-hero, Prestige about Ego and revenge and Insomnia about nightmares.

If you did not miss a scene in Memento so that you were not left confused…you will have to do that again.

“Inception” is a step higher than Memento….with many scenes inter-linked and happening at the same time…you just cannot take your eyes and thoughts away from the screen. Ensure that you remember every scene. The special effects will blow you away and personally I feel what was presented was just a tip of ice-berg of Nolan’s thoughts.

Cobb is an expert in stealing an Idea by entering the dreams and the sub-conscious mind. But his last job is to plant an Idea or an Inception. Cobb builds a team of Architect (who can create a world in the dream), a Forger (who can imitate a known person in the dream), A Chemical specialist (who has chemicals to keep the person in the dream state), and then his associate and his employer. Together they enter Fischer’s Mind to plant an Idea to dissolve his Father’s company. To plant the idea they need to enter 3 levels below the sub-conscious mind to hide the thought of who originated the Idea. It is a roller coaster ride with us moving from dream within a dream within a dream. Now that’s something and I could not take my eyes or thoughts away from the screen even for a while. I had infact entered Nolan’s dream world. It is great treat to eyes and mind.

Di Caprio…what a performer. If you were stunned by his performance in Shutter Island, then you are in for a bigger treat. He is getting better with every movie. Joseph Gordon Lewitt, Ellen Page (from Juno fame) do an incredible job along.

Here’s one of those movies which will leave you Thinking. You may also want a second go with the movie. And I should say, here’s a movie which cannot have an Inception in Bollywood directors’ dreams, coz they got no dreams and no creativity.

All I can say to Nolan is ….What an Idea Sirji !!!!

Recommended for all movie buffs who want to go beyond Indian Masala movies and be a part of the Cult.

Think About It: Who Incepted the Idea of “Inception” in Chrisopher Nolan’s sub-conscious mind?

Knight and Day

The simplest way to explain Einstein’s formula E=MC² is Entertainment = Movie with Cruise & Cameron.

A Cool secret agent who has been set up by his colleague is on the run and has an encounter with a hot chic on the way to Boston, who mistakenly happens to be on the same flight. And the story line is about how he manages to clear his name apart from helping this chic from bad guys. Sounds familiar isn’t it? Well, that’s the expertise of Hollywood action flick directors like James Mangold by providing old wine but with few more concoctions in a new bottle.

Even with brainless storyline, the movie definitely entertains. James has tried his level best to improve the storyline with Cool dialogues (a must in Action comedy) with good comedy and some great stunts in some amazing locales. Believe me, you would love to use some of these memorable quotes in your daily life. Both Cruise and Cameron deliver these lines with great comfort. I couldnot stop laughing at some of the comic scenes, the best one being when Roy Miller (Tom Cruise) says that the pilots have been killed by him and flight will crash and June Havens (Cameron Diaz) starts laughing thinking it’s a joke. My favourite dialogue is when Diaz wakes up on an island and is confused to find herself dressed only in a bikini and Cruise tells her that he is trained to diffuse a bomb even without looking at it, but that doesnot mean that’s what he did.

And the action scene which will stay with me for a very long time is when Diaz moves from pillion seat onto Cruise’s lap on the moving bike.This superb scene aroused my fantasies for this chic (preferably on a moving bike). A date with a kick ass chic like this has just been added to my bucket list.
Though the level of chemistry between Cruise and Cameron is great, but they do not match to the level created by Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt in Mr and Mrs Smith.

I recommend this movie only to those females who like to watch a shirtless Tom Cruise and to all males who like to watch Cameron Diaz in a bikini. Personally I would love to watch a topless Cameron Diaz even if it is a Brainless Action Comedy like Knight and Day.

Think About It: If Mr and Mrs Smith is remade in Bollywood , will the oomph factor of Piggy chops / Katz match that of Angelina?